The fabulous Florida sky was a constant interruption during my evening jog tonight. I had to run harder and faster between pics to make up for taking time out to photograph. I just couldn’t help myself.
Author: Kiddo's Korner 24/7
Lonely rain
I love the sound of the rain outside my window. It’s soothing music to sleep to even though tonight it makes my aloneness under the covers more real. There’s something about listening to the rain with someone that makes it sound different than when listening alone. It’s beautiful either way.
Life is good
My life is always so good that I’m never waiting for some day in the future when things will be better. More than anything I’m enjoying each day like it’s the rare treasure that it is and already feeling nostalgic for each passing minute. Knowing as Country Time Lemonade reminds us that “these are the good ol’ days”. Honestly, if my life got any better I would genuinely not know what to do with myself.
My magic shoes
My magic shoes...they'll take me any whehyuh
My magic shoes…they’ll take me any whehyuh.
Every puddle I ran through tonight was warm so it was like splashing through tepid tree soup and I made sure I didn’t miss a single bowl. The rain was steady and ran off the end of my nose. After awhile the runoff tasted of salt. When I first started out I wondered how I would fare without my Kangoos to protect my joints and put a spring in my stride and figured I would run until I just stopped…which made me think of Forrest Gump and how in Vietnam it just rained and rained until one day it just stopped and how later he ran and ran until one day he just stopped. I thought of metaphors and symbolism and took a reading from each of my slightly complaining body parts to see if any one of them didth protest too much. Every part seemed committed to continuing if I persisted so I forded the flood and used each upcoming puddle as my motivational carrot. I wore these shoes because they’re old and failing which means their decrepitcy gave them a beautiful purpose. I didn’t wear socks because my feet would get damp inside my sneaks anyway so I had a more personal purposeful relationship with my soles… which made me think of my soul vs my sole and I thought of homonym and homophone and gauged the distance left to my place to see if I thought I would make it back. Every puddle seemed behind me now and only a few turns remained so I was disappointed to be at the end but used the last bite of my carrot to bound to the end of my 2 mile peregrination.
Kiddo’s Komparison Korner
I’m just sittin’ here with my big a$$ belly stickin’ out in front of me like I’m the lady with 3 boobs in Kung Pow: Enter the Fist except my third boob is waaay bigger and has an inverted nipple ~ Kiddo’s Komparison Korner
Exes and Arachnids…
All of my dreams last night featured exes and spiders….I don’t know which is worse. The spiders were HUGE! I’m talkin a few realllly big house spiders and wolf spiders as big as my hand hiding in a cabinet or whatever which startled me BUT ALSO spiders as big as medium sized dogs that were so thick and long leggedly quick that none of my exes could kill them. One particularly terrifying spider came from the ground. I heard a sound and I looked, and behold a pale arachnid : and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. Different exes in different dreams…different coloured of each sized spider for different exes and none of my exes could kill ANY of the spiders! …At one point I had to climb up a rungless ladder in my half swamped RV to try and retrieve my tepid old Coke that had been open for days in a cabinet above the apparently 12ft tall fridge. I swung from the swampy water kicking off with my feet and grasped with finger tips the edges of the rung holders then remembering how Stallone had to grab above his head while dangling in Cliffhanger I used my fingertips and toes to boost upward as hard as I could wrapping my toes onto the edge of the ladder frame and holding on with one arm I opened the left cabinet and inside were some VERY angry wasped that were pissed with all of my banging so I BANGED that door closed and almost fell into the murky water below. Realizing that I had opened the wrong door I opened the right door….just as I remembered that I had finished that Coke yesterday!! Out of the cabinet rushed a giant wolf spider bigger than my face!! And terror insued….I won’t even mention the hard shiny purple spider….but at the end of all of these dreams I felt very very lonely as a double couple hugged goodbye on a dock and better halves sailed away at sunset and all of my spiders and exes had disappeared and I thought “I’m sending out signals but the TV is turned off” immediately I woke up and still mostly asleep thought “Rob’s just not pickin up what I’m puttin down” then suddenly remembered that I’m not with him anymore! Lol….I haven’t awakened to remember that in over a year and this was the 1st time it made me laugh out loud!! Now I’m laying here writing in my dream journal (which you are reading) and going over all of the obvious symbolism in my head but I won’t put you through all of that!
My Sky…
She was my sky, ever changing but always there for me so always beautiful.
Swimming against the current, running against the wind and going against the grain. I can proudly say I’ve earned everything that I’ve gotten but goddamn the wrinkles and grey hairs!!
Philosophical Rant
All I can say about today is “UGH” and “I’M UP TO THE CHALLENGE!!” Sometimes ppl will accuse me of being a pessimist (usually when I point out something to do with my looks or position in life) and sometimes people’ll accuse me of being an optimist but in both cases I respond the same way: I’m a realist…I see the truth and I’m not afraid of it. Life is beautiful. Life is discouraging and ugly but NOTHING can take away from the fact that despite the beauty and the ugliness we can CHOOSE to enjoy it and wring every bit of pleasure from it….and in that way even the ugliest circumstance becomes immeasurably gorgeous. …so beautiful that it brings tears to the eyes….I have THOUSANDS of photos of beautiful sunrises,sunsets, storms and rainbows. ..they’re all spectacular and worth living to see the next one. The greatest wonders in life are free and just accessible to the pauper as the prince…priceless in their originality just as much as in their promise to come again in a slightly different incarnation. Life is a series of cycles. Tiny little cycles too small to notice and enormous cycles so big we could NEVER comprehend them and no matter if time is linear or deviant we can experience it only one moment at a time….each moment to be appreciated or ignored. If we fully experienced each moment we would be useless….so we are open to distraction and interpretation which actually preserves us but the truth remains and our lives are the results of our random as well as meaningful choices. We are all but pixels in the bigger picture. The smaller we make our universe the more significance we play in it and the grander we make existence the less influence we have on it. Some people say look at the bigger picture without realizing that the enormity of the actual BIGGER picture is that we have absolutely no influence on the cosmos as individuals….so I choose to live the not so big picture and actually make a postive difference in the lives of my loved ones and my community. If everyone chose to do so the world would be infinitely better and the universe and the multiverse as well…but science decrees that a positive can’t exist without a negative which is great because I love lightning and magnets and equal and opposite reactions and sometimes the best thing to accept is that I only have so much power and therefore a limited responsibility even though the potential is available if we ALLL worked together. The chance that all creatures will work together for the greater good is slim to none which basically means that the pressure is off. Enjoy your little slice of life. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, the ball bounces and let the chips fall as they may. It’s all good. Inhale love exhale love…not one breathe wasted 🙂
All about timing
Today my virtual relationship with the Dr. I have met online reached the critical “Set The 1st Actual Meeting” stage. I have never pursued a relationship like this but I am sure that in this day and age of online dating many of you are familiar with it. I had been looking forward to the invite for the face to face get together until I recently lost my job. If I had known that unemployment was imminent I would never have posted my 1st dating profile to begin with. I wonder if my feelings would be different if I were in the market for a man to date but I think not considering that I do not ever wish to appear to be a gold digger. I’m sure that there are plenty of single mothers out there looking for someone to support them and their children but I will do my best to never be mistaken for one of those. I’ll take care of my own life thank you very much. I would like to find someone that can provide everything EXCEPT financial support for me because that’s just the way I am. For better or for worse, my responsibilities are my own.
This afternoon while I was online submitting applications to every single available nearby job I could find I recieved a message from the good doctor. After a month of correspondence the doctor wanted to know when I could get together for lunch or for dinner. I responded with as much tact as I could because I realllly didn’t want her to think that I was just blowing her off but I had to let her know that currently I am an unemployed, single, middle-aged mother and couldn’t pay my own way during a lunch or dinner date and wasn’t inclined to allow a new acquaintance to foot my bill. Ughhhh, sometimes I’m too honest but I’d feel better about spending my life alone than ever for one minute decieving anyone even by omission. I’m currently a loser when it comes to dating if only in the sense that if I had a close friend that was involved in a virtual relationship tell me that the person they were interested in seeing face to face was an unemployed middle-aged single parent with an online dating account I would tell them to run. It’s only fair for me to give the good Dr. the same advice. I told her that I was recently unemployed without notice or severance pay because the owner of the company had a friend that needed a job and that I couldn’t pursue a “dating relationship” until my situation was straightened out. I have yet to receive a response. Damn the timing but it is what it is.
If I got to choose…
If I got to choose I’d rather be loved than needed. Ijs
Cracker Jack prize
Sometimes it seems like it doesn’t matter how right you do things or how good a person you are because the people that end up living their dreams are the selfish and the sad messes. Seems like so many people that actually are wonderful people that have their shit together end up struggling despite the fact that they always do the right thing.
I’ve realized that even though I truly love everyone so many people do suck and are a total waste of my time and energy. Unfortunately, we have to interact with people and depend on other people for our livelihood but goddammit it’s frustrating because most people don’t do what they say they will do. Sorting through useless people to find the good ones is time and energy consuming like eating Cracker Jack for the prize…and it’s usually a shitty prize but sometimes it’s a cool tattoo. I also always liked the little tops. The spinning tops not the lame pencil toppers. It’s almost better that Cracker Jack was purchased by Frito Lay because they stopped putting prizes in the packages. Now there’s no disappointment waiting at the bottom BUT there’s also no anticipation, no hope that the prize will be cool rather than shitty.
When I was young I made myself wait until I had eaten the last bite of Cracker Jack before being rewarded by the prize. When I had gotten a little older I started fishing for the prize halfway through my snack because I wanted to at least be able to have the pleasure of the peanuts and popcorn as my consolation prize if the surprise turned out to be super lame. I would save the real carmel coated pieces until the end. In my late teen years I realized that I didn’t even really like the taste of Cracker Jack very much.
I went years without even thinking about the treat until I had my own kids. I bought it for them a few times out of a sense of nostalgia but it wasn’t really a hit and there was no prize at all.
I miss the days when I was excited about a cheap prize at the bottom of a box of less than delicious peanuts and half stale popcorn that always sort of tasted like cardboard
Cracker Jack Collectors Association
Cool tops
Lame pencil topper
Plagiarized because it’s sooo good
After A While
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…
~ 1971, Veronica A. Shoffstall
OR
Jorge Luis Borges folks
No one knows for sure who plagiarized the other but it’s soooo true that it needs to be read.
A thousand moments
From Elephant Meditation
True story
Just a dream, just a dream
There was this day, once upon a time, when all of my dreams came true…but just like with all dreams…eventually I woke up. Good morning Starshine. Welcome to reality
Easy money…
$7 per 3 line news blurb ….easy money. All my financial worries are over
Click here to rank the news for $
Everything’s Fine & I’m okay
Even though I just want to stay in bed with a bottle of wine within reach
I keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other and answering that everything’s fine and I’m okay
Because it’s better than things being horrible and me not being okay
Thank Unis that my biggest problem is being unexcited and my biggest fight is against malaise
So like the kitten on the poster I will indeed continue to “hang in there”. ~ Kiddo’s Philosophical Korner
Intense situation…
So many situations we find ourselves in these days wouldn’t have been possible not too long ago. Thanks to modern gizmos ‘n’ gadgets I found myself in a pretty surreal situation today. Apparently my phone screen is more difficult to replace than any phone screen in the history of the universe so nearly a month after I paid for my replacement screen I found myself BACK at the Mr. Phone Fixit shop for the third time. Anticipating that I might have to leave my cracked phone at the shop I had brought along my older phone to be used if necessary. After having participated in cheerful chit chat with the other anxious parents in the waiting area I powered on my old device. Even in a waiting area in a phone repair shop it seems odd to just continue to sit in such close proximity to other weird wired people without my electronic sheild in hand. I noticed straight away that I was getting a ton of notifications and that many of them were voicemails that hadn’t been listened to. That wasn’t a big surprise because I very rarely listen to messages. I have fewer unlistened to messages on my new phone because people finally stopped recording them. So without even a premonitory pause I decided to listen for a bit to pass the time. BIG MISTAKE. A deliciously happy, excited loving voicemail from a year ago changed me from being a cheerful stranger in a hopeful waiting area to a shattered person sitting perfectly still so that my pieces wouldn’t scatter all over the place while trying to force my lungs to function. It was very surreal. Sounds around me were muted and it felt like someone had stabbed a GIGANTIC ice sword through my gut. My vision was fading around the edges and I felt like everyone in the room were awaiting my reaction so I had none. I kept all of my reacting on the inside where it belongs.
~Kiddo
Strong Enough to be weak
Some really amazing, fun, wonderful people just aren’t STRONG enough to stay and be loyal. At least that’s the excuse I allow them. They probably wouldn’t agree because they usually believe themselves to be the strongest person they know. I know the difference between strength and weakness. My strength is often my weakness and my weakness many times is my strength.
~ Kiddo’s Philosophy Korner
❤
UGH
Not That Anyone Asked Me... 