Lovely Luna – Redux

I went to the river and I lay by his side

to feel how you tugged on each of our tides

 

Usually one thinks of oceans and seas

but you pull on all humours even those of creatures and trees

 

Our saps quicken and our breasts become full

so irresistible is your enchanting pull

 

The river ran quiet and deep down it was dark

though your reflection gave his ripples a spark

 

Your light became brighter as you climbed the sky

and I breathed you in then stood with a sigh

 

I stretched up my arms to bathe in your glow

and you lit my path as I turned to go

 

Back in my room alone in my bed

at peace while visions of you swam in my head

 

“I’ll see you in my dreams Lovely Luna” I spoke from my heart

and we drifted off together though ever apart  

~Kiddṏ 2021

 The full moon of July, also called the “Buck Moon” or “Thunder Moon,” will occur July 23 at 10:36 p.m. EDT (0236 GMT on July 24); the near-full moon will make a close pass of Saturn on July 24 and Jupiter on July 25. The full moon in July is called the buck moon because the antlers of male deer (bucks) are in full-growth mode at this time. It is also called the “thunder moon” because of early summer’s frequent thunderstorms

Horny for Snuggles

Laying on my bed watching the delicious heavy rain’s got me thinking about how the 1st thing you do when you snuggle up against them is kiss the back of their neck

you just do

if there’s long wavy hair in the way you bury your face into the lightly scented depths until your lips meet their nape

then you apply one firm smooch to the base

then a very gentle light-as-a-breath one a little higher up

as you firmly but fleetingly press your pelvis forward into the ripeness of their warm cheeks

and you tighten then slightly release your arms

Unless you’re snuggling a friend

(Which means that you refrain from pressing your pelvis into their cheeks after the neck kisses of course)

then you just lay there snuggled up and experience the rain together

       ~KiDD

 

So many delicious days & nights of perfect snuggle weather.

“And if you can’t be with the one you love honey
snug the one you’re with, snug the one you’re with,
snug the one you’re with, snug the one you’re with.”

Extraordinarily Ordinary

You know when you squirt the dish soap into the sink and seconds later you notice a PLETHORA of tiny magical bubbles floating all around you and you instantly feel like the hills are alive with the sound of music? (I guess to younger folks you’d feel like a Disney Princess). Well that happened to me this evening and nothing else that happened today matters. Excuse me while I sing with the woodland creatures that have inhabited my kitchen.

~KiDD

 

Current Status

Notwithstanding the potential hurricane, it feels ABSOLUTELY luxurious to not have to go to a job for the next 2 days. I have had 2 days off since January and they were NOT in succession. I get 2 in a row !!(maybe more if things go south but I get 2 off for sure before the potential shit hits the potential fan) I got a few new books and I am excited to read them 😁

 

~KiDD

2018 is a Wrap!

It is a good thing that I am a fighter when need be. Most of the days in 2018 were some sort of struggle for me. Most of the time I have had at LEAST one of the following: financial struggle, mental struggle, physical struggle, emotional struggle, mental struggle (I know I already wrote that but almost every struggle is a mental struggle). I struggle with my weight,I struggle with keeping my vehicle on the road and struggle with my health as well as my determination and drive. Being in my mid-forties and single is a recipe for struggle. But I know that a lot more deserving people than I did not even live to see 2018. I’m just happy to say that I have made it through another year on my own and you know what they say: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Unless it’s Rickets…Rickets leaves a person weaker forever. So I am very thankful that in 2018 I did not get Rickets and I send positive energy to those that did. ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! Happy New Year to everyone on the planet no matter your religion, your politics or your IQ.Thank Unis for alcohol! Cheers! Gesondheid! Gan Bei! Na zdravi! Proost! Santé! Prost! ΥΓΕΙΑ! Sláinte! Salute! 乾杯! (Kanpai!) 건배! į sveikatą! Noroc! Na zdrowie! Saúde! Будем здоровы/ На здоровье!Iechyd da!Sei gesund! Salud! Skål! (and don’t forget to look everyone in the eye)

Unis bless us…everyone!

The Sun is Shining Weather is Sweet

FINALLY, after days and days and DAYS of nearly constant rain, the sun is shining! Don’t get me wrong I dearly love rain and thunderstorms, clouds and dimly lit days but I was definitely missing the sunshine. I have had to commute through flooded roadways, potholed streets and downpours with maniac drivers. Some people drive like it isn’t raining at all and some people drive like they have NEVER seen water fall from the sky. It is not a safe mix for interstate travel.

Last week during a deluge I watched from an intersection of two major roadways as a northbound vehicle drove through the flooded street and then over the median that was underwater and into southbound lanes.  Fortunately, the southbound traffic lights were red so there wasn’t a collision. The driver stopped momentarily and I assumed they were going to turn so that they were headed south too. Not the case. The driver proceeded to drive northward as the traffic got the green light and headed toward them. It was crazy. I couldn’t believe my eyes as vehicles started to stream around the car as if it were a stone in a river. Moments later I had to pull off of the road and wait the flood out. My car was stalling and other vehicles that were larger than mine were creating wakes that had the water up to my doors.

I have been informed by the weather forecasters that this morning’s sunshine will not last and that my Memorial Day weekend plans will be soggy as the rain comes back for another week of Florida fun but I dearly hope that they are wrong. I don’t want to travel with the holiday travelers through more of that mess. I have my fingers crossed and my vibes set to ‘Sunshine” so I’m doing all that I can do to ensure that my trip to Saint Augustine will have dry weather.

I haven’t had a chance to stop by the beach on the way to work for the last couple of weeks but decided to celebrate this morning by stopping by for a few minutes to breath in the salty air and experience the freshly washed shoreline. There were many people out despite the early hour and everyone was friendly and smiling. There was a festive feel to the scene and I lingered as long as I could before heading to work. Life is good in sunshine AND in rain but for this morning I am soaking in the sun.

Make your hay people. The sun is shining

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Reminder to self: Slow journeys give us time to pay attention

 

This is my yoga space that I have been using at work as I began my slow journey back to some sort of fitness. I have just enough room, a window and a fire extinguisher just in case I get really overheated. This space is one of the advantages to working alone.

This week I have been feeling great emotionally and feeling better physically and I have hope that I will get back to feeling greatish physically.

I have only had my cervical correction/stabilization surgery and don’t know when or IF I will actually go through with lumbar correction/stabilization surgery so therefore I am literally practicing with a broken (in a couple of places) back. If I do opt to have the lumbar surgery it will be at least 10 months from now.

I am being pretty careful and modifying even though that has always been hard for me even with a solitary practice. It is easier to do NO BACK BENDS and NO INVERSIONS (other than forward folds and such) now that I have vivid pictures of my spinal Xrays and MRIs to remind me that ignoring what my body is telling me does NOT necessarily make me stronger. I am physically heavier and weaker than I have EVER been because I pushed myself physically in the wrong ways for decades. PLUS in the past year or so I have had to modify not only how I workout and do cardio but also how I sleep, get out of bed, sit on a toilet, use a chair, drive a car, ride a bike, walk, “run” and even BREATHE.

Pain has never been enough to make me really listen to my body even when the pain was significant. If I could keep moving I did….so eventually my body simply QUIT allowing me to ignore it. Proof that as I have always said: Your body is smarter than your brain 🙂 ….Okay I haven’t always said that but in this case it is true.

I HAVE always said that life is about the journey not the destination (I didn’t make it up but I do SAY it) and I know that journeys have setbacks and detours that make the journey more memorable and allow for more growth. Life is beautiful,  so very beautiful, even with hard lessons and one day this life will be over so I plan to appreciate as much of it as I can while I am still here.

I waited 30 years for this moon

This morning I watched what I could see of the eclipsing blue super moon from the east coast of Florida. I had been waiting about 30 years for the three lunar phenomena to coincide. In August of 1980 I had become very interested in astronomy due in large part to a partial lunar eclipse that I had heard was coming up. I was intrigued by eclipses at 7 years of age and wanted an explanation as to why it was to be a partial eclipse and wanted to know if penumbral was just a fancy way of saying “partial”. I lived in a small town and my elementary school had a very decent library with librarians that would help me find out whatever I could but it wasn’t always easy. We didn’t have the most up to date encyclopedias and the astronomy selection in the science section was stocked mostly with glossy picture books about the planets. When I was 11 years old the school let us all go out and “view” the solar eclipse that occurred near the end of the 1983- 84 school year. Of course we made the standard shadow boxes and were taught to never ever look at the sun but I could NOT resist taking peaks as the sun was nearly covered by the shadow of Earth. The world around me took on a weird dimness and I felt the magic of the eclipse and understood why ancient cultures felt that eclipses were so significant. I felt a little privileged to be living in a time in which we knew the cause and the exact timing of the sun going dim but I also felt a little deprived to be living in a world without the belief that the happenings in our sky held signs and omens that shaped human events and rituals.

We had 14 eclipses in the 1980s that kept me interested in the sun and moon and their relationship with Earth. During that time I had begun studying the stars and could point out most of the well known constellations and planets to anyone that would listen to me. In central Florida where I grew up I was far away from big city lights and could clearly see the milky way like diamonds poured out across the dark velvet sky. I think at first people were slightly amused at my enthusiasm and stories about the night sky but after a few years they started to call ME when they had a question. I would get questions about something very bright or very twinkly or streaking overhead and I usually had the answers (Venus, Sirius, the Orionids meteor shower). I had learned all of my information thus far in the age before the “information super highway” or Google and had done so by visiting libraries and reading outdated books at my school. I was never too sure of my pronunciation of astronomical names and phrases because I mostly just read about them and didn’t have anyone teaching me how to say them.

There was another HUGE sky event in 80’s that had people talking and excited. Halley’s Comet came through in 1986 which was the year I turned 13 and boy did it get a lot of build up! I was pretty excited about it and couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be here for the famous comets return. I studied where and when to look and read all about Samuel Langhorne Clemens and his desire to go out with the 1910 passing of the comet because he had been born during it’s appearance in 1835. I had been spouting facts about an ancient Greek comet that had all of the characteristics of Halley’s so it MUST have been the same comet. I was so full of information that I was glad when someone would ask me about it. Apparently a lot of people including adults had the idea that it would be SUPER BRIGHT or that it would streak by like a “shooting star” and I was happy to correct this misinformation. Turns out many people were disappointed that year including myself. One of my uncles said to me “I went outside last night and didn’t see anything flying over but an airplane.” Some nights during Halley’s visit my dad would take us out into a field and let us use his gigantic binoculars to look for the comet on clear dark nights. We were able to see it but it was HARD. The binoculars were powerful and heavy which made it hard to keep them steady enough for a clear view. I tried to slow my breath and the beat of my heart. With patience I was able to get a pretty good look at the smudge of a comet in the night sky and after several nights I was able to make out that distant smudge with my naked eye! I was initially disappointed with my view of the comet and others would make comments about wasting their time or exclaim “THAT is all it is?!” when I pointed it out for them. I was able to regain my own enthusiasm for the event my giving friends and family some facts about what we were looking up at. I would say “yeah, but it is on the opposite side of the sun from us” and when they were still mumbling unimpressed I would say “Hey, it’s 39 MILLION miles away and you can SEE IT!” then someone might say “I can’t actually see it though” and I would say “focus right beside it because sometimes it easier to see when you don’t look right at it” which didn’t go over very well. One time I was trying to impress whoever was out in the dark field with me by saying “there are TWO meteor showers associated with Halley’s Comet!” and I got a couple of “cools” and an “awesome, are they happening tonight!?” I wished I could say yes but replied “uhhhhh no… but if you stay out here for awhile looking up you will see a random shooting star just like every other night.” which was followed by a long pause while we all looked up then “Ohhhhh kaaaay” This was a tough crowd. Some people seemed to be disappointed in ME because I had built the comet up over several months and they felt as if I had tricked them.

Over the years I saw people get all excited about upcoming events only to be let down at the reality so I stopped building things up for people and stopped volunteering information about things that I was interested in. If someone asked me a question I was all to happy to give them all of the information they wanted but I mostly stopped inviting people out to look at meteor showers and planets with me. I did have a few younger cousins and a couple of older cousins that would occasionally watch the night sky with me but it seemed to me that there wasn’t much room for it in the adult world. One thing that everyone still seemed to get excited about though was THE ECLIPSE. I started to think of the eclipse as the easy way to get people into my world of astronomy.

Not long after the passing of Halley’s comet I received a decent Meade telescope for Christmas. Having a telescope was amazing for me and I used it throughout the year spending many hours alone beneath the dome of the sky. My dad spent more time with me and my ‘scope than anyone else did and I will never forget the time we spent taking turns at the eye piece looking at the moon and the planets. I remember the very first thing I looked at through my telescope. My dad was with me and I was trying to follow the directions for using the new tripod to position my new telescope to view Sirius close to the horizon. It was super bright and super twinkly and very colorful. I didn’t want to spend too much time reading the manual so I grabbed the largest lens (which turns out to be the lowest magnification) and popped it into the 90 degree diagonal prism and aimed the end of my ‘scope at the big bright twinkly star figuring that it would be about the easiest thing to find. Almost right away I spotted the BIG bright scintillating light and got super excited. I was bouncing up and down on the inside but being very careful and deliberate on the outside. The image I was seeing was big and fuzzy so I started to dial the focus in….the image got BIGGER but I realized that it was also getting fuzzier so I dialed the knob the other direction. As the image sharpened it got smaller and smaller but still seemed to be twinkling even though it wasn’t as colorful. I was amazed at how alive the star appeared through the lens. I started to feel like an astronomer making a discovery because it seemed like small objects were darting in and out and around the star. I couldn’t believe what I WAS SEEING! I actually gasped aloud. I couldn’t believe it until I realized exactly what I was looking at. The end of my scope had dropped slightly and rather than being aimed at the “dog star” it was aimed and now perfectly focused on a street light about half a mile away that had moths and beetles darting around it and banging into the light. It was a really great close up of the light. I remember the feeling of being dumbfounded and nonplussed and then laughing so hard at the realization that I was looking at something on planet Earth. I let my dad have a look and we both just laughed and laughed. He told me to let that be a lesson to me. I took that to mean that perspective and focus are important and that our ideas can be changed by focus or the lack thereof without even knowing what we’re really looking at.

Me having this telescope sort of got people’s attention again. In the summer of 1989 I was 16 years old and we had a total lunar eclipse. It was a spectacular event because it went on for HOURS and it occurred a few days after the peak of the Perseid meteor shower so we saw several “shooting stars” as well. It was a warm night, we were still out of school for the summer so I had friends and family come over to look through my telescope. People always asked to come look through it whenever there was a meteor shower even though I explained that meteor showers couldn’t be viewed through a telescope. So while we were all out in the field I would let people take turns looking through my telescope. They oohed and ahhed as I aimed and focused on Saturn and it rings, or Jupiter and it’s moons or our own moon and it’s many mare and craters. I had my crowd back. I will never forget that night as long as I live. I was having conversations about eclipses and meteor showers and the comets that caused them and people were actually listening and amazed and excited like I was. I remember specifically telling people that this was one of the best eclipses so far and that I regretted that I wasn’t aware of the one in 1982 that had been an eclipse at PERIGEE that was the second full moon of the month which made it a blue moon. I told them how very rare it was and how there wouldn’t be another blue perigee lunar eclipse until I was FORTY FOUR YEARS OLD!! I couldn’t imagine how the world would be in thirty years. I had no idea where I would be but I knew that I would be watching that eclipse! I had no idea that the term “supermoon” would replace “full moon at perigee” or how I would fight that change at first before grudgingly accepting it and then coming to sorta kinda like it….even though I can’t stop myself from telling people that I had been a moon freak or “lunatic” before it was cool and that the terms supermoon and micromoon were very recent creations even though the moon has been doing those particular tricks forever.

This morning less than a month before my 45th birthday I stood alone on the balcony of a very old mansion along the Indian River as I watched the moon that I had told my crowd about 30 years ago. It was a beautiful rare blue super eclipsing moon. It was worth the wait even though from my vantage point it was setting before it reached totality. I was NOT disappointed. In fact it was better than I had come to
expect it to be for me. I thought clouds would probably block it. In recent years I have lowered my expectations which means simply that I am less disappointed with celestial events as well as terrestrial ones. Everything is amazing and wonderful. Just the fact that a round glob of goop in my face has a lens that allows light in to a bigger glob of goop in my skull which translates into images so that I can see what is happening around me even light years away is mind numbing. More mind numbing even than a street light surrounded by bugs on a cold night in Florida.

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scene behind me

Survival Instinct 

I think that deep down we all know that the end is THE END. That we all return to the void that we were before we were conceived. We don’t experience the void because we are not conscious. We don’t exist before conception and we won’t exist again. Otherwise why would there be the survival instinct? We can all TRY to fool ourselves into believing that we believe in an afterlife but if we do then why do we fight to stay in this life or dread death? The pain and scariness of the actual act of DYING is understandable but the terror of being dead forever is ridiculous. We weren’t ALIVE for most of time and even the oldest person’s life is short compared to the the time that they are not alive. Deep down there is a certainty that we will soon be nonexistent again. Nonexistence is the easy part but it is not enjoyable. Even pain and uncertainty are an experience. Nonexistence is the absence of experience and I can see how that can be attractive to people struggling in this life but the beauty is in the struggle. The void may seem beautiful from this side and the thought of never ever struggling again is certainly attractive but the knowledge that it is not only unavoidable but also permanent is reason enough to put it off for as long as possible. If we TRULY believed there was a future to experience after death we would not have a survival instinct that kicks in when our consciousness is threatened. We would not gasp for breath or claw our way to the surface. We would simply relax into our exit or be excited for the adventure of the next phase of existence. We wouldn’t come up with elaborate bed time stories of paradise to comfort us about death. Enjoy life because just like anyone that has ever lived or will live it’s the only one you get. This life is precious and beautiful for no other reason than that it is PRECIOUS and BEAUTIFUL and it doesn’t have to mean a thing.

Geocaching – fun hobby

Need an interesting hobby that will not only exercise your body but also your mind? Not everyone is familiar with Geocaching but it’s a real-world, outdoor treasure hunting game using GPS-enabled devices. Participants navigate to a specific set of GPS coordinates and then attempt to find the geocache (container) hidden at that location. Participants come up with a cool or clever profile name and register at https://www.geocaching.com then begin their hide and seek adventures. Our FLorida4ce started out Geocaching in October 2005 because my parents got us into it. I homeschooled our kids and felt like this was an excellent way to learn so many things about problem solving, navigation, teamwork, determination and disappointment as well as learning about nature and enjoying all that the outdoors gives us. Our team was my husband, myself and our two sons, hence the “4 ” in FLorida4ce. We really had a LOT of fun especially in 2009 when we all had a lot of time to find caches as a family.

After all of the construction stopped in our area my husband had to switch careers and out of necessity changed from running a land survey crew to being an over the road truck driver. With my husband out of town a lot we didn’t get to cache much because we wanted to stay a team. Eventually we stopped caching at all. In 2013 my husband left us without much of a warning and as you can imagine that was a huge disruption in our lives. I went from being a stay at home mom to working 3rd shift in an industrial laundry and teaching yoga and fitness classes mornings and evenings in a few local gyms and studios. I didn’t have much free time. Anytime we would think about Geocaching we just didn’t do it because I was either too tired or didn’t have time to sync the cache locations from the website to our GPS. We were also reminded of all the good times we had as a four person team. Even our caching handle reminded us that someone was missing.

Currently I am gone for work about 60 hours a week and do not have a lot of time for family or anything else. My sons are now 18 and 21 and I try to come up with activities to do together since we’re all busy a lot. For two years I’ve gotten us annual passes to Universal and that’s a blast but I also wanted to have a less expensive activity that we could do without having to drive for hours. We just recently got back into Geocaching and it is so much easier now because of smart phones and the app to follow instead of loading a few caches into a GPS from the desktop computer. Now there is no need to go back to the computer to log our finds either. Everything can be done on the go.

In the past several weeks we decided to take the leap from just finding to HIDING! We have gotten great responses from the people that are finding our caches. We try to make caches that we would’ve loved to come across when the kids were younger. We try to make sure the hides are in places with terrific views in areas that have parks or picnic areas so that other cachers can not only find a cache but also a new place to enjoy even when they’re not on the hunt! WE LOVE the logs that other participants post when they find our caches and really love the photos that they are sharing!

I am having a good time Geocaching even with all of the changes in my personal life. We don’t have our original team anymore and my older son hasn’t gone out with us yet since we got back into it but he is still part of the team as a consultant until he gets time to join in. My younger son often goes along with me and usually my girlfriend and her super sweet dog Lady comes along with us too. Even if I go it alone I have a feeling that this hobby is going to be part of what keeps me active as I deal with this aging broken body. I adore weather and the sky and scenery and geocaching takes me right out into it.

Check it out, you don’t have to become a part of the geocaching community but if you choose to you can communicate with other cachers on the site and nowadays they even have geocaching events and gatherings. We haven’t gone to any of the events but we’re thinking about it – HAPPY GEOCACHING!!

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Boardwalk where one of our caches is hidden

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Jetty nearby one of our caches

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View from one of our caches

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The treasure map I created for participants to follow

Tide Pool

Let’s lay in a tide pool you and I, with the sun all day on our backs. To feel the surge wash the shells up and then drag them beneath us will be like hundreds of tiny fingers massaging away our worries and putting them out to sea.

Let not even words come between us to interrupt our conversation. Like ‘Strangers in a Strange Land’ this water ceremony will allow us to grok one another in perfect fullness. Become my water brother on the shore at rest between the extremes of crashing surf and barren sand.

We’ll watch the sun as it westers and extinguishes itself in the gulf. You’ll not have to ask for me to rub ointment on your too warm skin,I’ll cherish the act as this growing closer continues through the night.

In the morning there’ll be a new pool to soothe your tender back.So then let’s lay in a tide pool you and I, with the sun all day on our face ~ Kiddo

I miss making love

One of the biggest things I miss about being in a relationship is making love. I still get to have as much sex as the average Jo but it lacks the connection one gets with someone they’re in a relationship with. The sex is great and I wouldn’t want to live without it but it’s definitely lacking some intimacy. I also miss giving and receiving massages and making a special dinner for a special someone.  BUT today I put fresh linens on my king size bed (is it king sized or king size? Does it matter?  Is it meant to be hyphenated?) and now I am soaking in a hot bath and using Nivea’s in shower lotion to shave and moisturize. Sliding between clean sheets with ultra smooth skin tonight will be DELICIOUS! Not as delicious as making love and not quite as nice as really good sex but definitely a close third. Tonight it’s all I’ve got so I’m going to make the most of it.

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In my bed…

The night following a very rare night that I didn’t sleep alone my big ol’ bed seems so empty. Not in a good way or in a bad way just very empty. I really notice the emptiness but I thought about it tonight differently. I am 42 years of age. I was with the same man for only 20 years of it. I have slept more nights in bed alone than not alone so I should view that as the norm. I can stretch out naked spread-eagled across the bed with no one to enjoy the view and feel entirely free

Lonely rain

     I love the sound of the rain outside my window. It’s soothing music to sleep to even though tonight it makes my aloneness under the covers more real. There’s something about listening to the rain with someone that makes it sound different than when listening alone. It’s beautiful either way.

Life is good

My life is always so good that I’m never waiting for some day in the future when things will be better. More than anything I’m enjoying each day like it’s the rare treasure that it is and already feeling nostalgic for each passing minute. Knowing as Country Time Lemonade reminds us that “these are the good ol’ days”. Honestly, if my life got any better I would genuinely not know what to do with myself.