I’m happy to have lived through more times wishing that they would never end
than times wishing that they would
~KiDDṏ
I’m happy to have lived through more times wishing that they would never end
than times wishing that they would
~KiDDṏ
Gorgeous January morning in Florida
click HERE for a short video of me accompanied by Norah Jones’ Sunrise

Feelings that I do not intend to use
nothing to gain
but what is there to lose?
Delectable flutterings like a tasty crave
difficult to manage
trying to get my thoughts to behave.
Dazed, preoccupied and distracted,
scenes involuntarily imagined
unable to be redacted.
Slight control of my delicious dreams,
less than usual,
maybe that’s just the way that it seems.
Perhaps my effort is merely token,
a sham of an endeavor,
to cease dreaming of things emphatically left unspoken.
Can it even be done?
Please do not teach me.
That would be less fun.
Dallying with the consciously unthought
we drift through my nocturnal illusion
where deed and sentiment are less fraught.
Serendipitous pleasures I don’t want to miss
I won’t learn how to quit
Ignorance is such delicious bliss.
~KiDDṏ


The Florida sunrise painted the water & trees
at around forty three degrees
as I drove from tiny little Ocean Breeze
to The Mansion at Tuckahoe and my heart it did please
…seriously, look at the beautiful lighting!




Look at the way the light plays on the ground and trees


FINALLY, after days and days and DAYS of nearly constant rain, the sun is shining! Don’t get me wrong I dearly love rain and thunderstorms, clouds and dimly lit days but I was definitely missing the sunshine. I have had to commute through flooded roadways, potholed streets and downpours with maniac drivers. Some people drive like it isn’t raining at all and some people drive like they have NEVER seen water fall from the sky. It is not a safe mix for interstate travel.
Last week during a deluge I watched from an intersection of two major roadways as a northbound vehicle drove through the flooded street and then over the median that was underwater and into southbound lanes. Fortunately, the southbound traffic lights were red so there wasn’t a collision. The driver stopped momentarily and I assumed they were going to turn so that they were headed south too. Not the case. The driver proceeded to drive northward as the traffic got the green light and headed toward them. It was crazy. I couldn’t believe my eyes as vehicles started to stream around the car as if it were a stone in a river. Moments later I had to pull off of the road and wait the flood out. My car was stalling and other vehicles that were larger than mine were creating wakes that had the water up to my doors.
I have been informed by the weather forecasters that this morning’s sunshine will not last and that my Memorial Day weekend plans will be soggy as the rain comes back for another week of Florida fun but I dearly hope that they are wrong. I don’t want to travel with the holiday travelers through more of that mess. I have my fingers crossed and my vibes set to ‘Sunshine” so I’m doing all that I can do to ensure that my trip to Saint Augustine will have dry weather.
I haven’t had a chance to stop by the beach on the way to work for the last couple of weeks but decided to celebrate this morning by stopping by for a few minutes to breath in the salty air and experience the freshly washed shoreline. There were many people out despite the early hour and everyone was friendly and smiling. There was a festive feel to the scene and I lingered as long as I could before heading to work. Life is good in sunshine AND in rain but for this morning I am soaking in the sun.
Make your hay people. The sun is shining

This morning I watched what I could see of the eclipsing blue super moon from the east coast of Florida. I had been waiting about 30 years for the three lunar phenomena to coincide. In August of 1980 I had become very interested in astronomy due in large part to a partial lunar eclipse that I had heard was coming up. I was intrigued by eclipses at 7 years of age and wanted an explanation as to why it was to be a partial eclipse and wanted to know if penumbral was just a fancy way of saying “partial”. I lived in a small town and my elementary school had a very decent library with librarians that would help me find out whatever I could but it wasn’t always easy. We didn’t have the most up to date encyclopedias and the astronomy selection in the science section was stocked mostly with glossy picture books about the planets. When I was 11 years old the school let us all go out and “view” the solar eclipse that occurred near the end of the 1983- 84 school year. Of course we made the standard shadow boxes and were taught to never ever look at the sun but I could NOT resist taking peaks as the sun was nearly covered by the shadow of Earth. The world around me took on a weird dimness and I felt the magic of the eclipse and understood why ancient cultures felt that eclipses were so significant. I felt a little privileged to be living in a time in which we knew the cause and the exact timing of the sun going dim but I also felt a little deprived to be living in a world without the belief that the happenings in our sky held signs and omens that shaped human events and rituals.
We had 14 eclipses in the 1980s that kept me interested in the sun and moon and their relationship with Earth. During that time I had begun studying the stars and could point out most of the well known constellations and planets to anyone that would listen to me. In central Florida where I grew up I was far away from big city lights and could clearly see the milky way like diamonds poured out across the dark velvet sky. I think at first people were slightly amused at my enthusiasm and stories about the night sky but after a few years they started to call ME when they had a question. I would get questions about something very bright or very twinkly or streaking overhead and I usually had the answers (Venus, Sirius, the Orionids meteor shower). I had learned all of my information thus far in the age before the “information super highway” or Google and had done so by visiting libraries and reading outdated books at my school. I was never too sure of my pronunciation of astronomical names and phrases because I mostly just read about them and didn’t have anyone teaching me how to say them.
There was another HUGE sky event in 80’s that had people talking and excited. Halley’s Comet came through in 1986 which was the year I turned 13 and boy did it get a lot of build up! I was pretty excited about it and couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be here for the famous comets return. I studied where and when to look and read all about Samuel Langhorne Clemens and his desire to go out with the 1910 passing of the comet because he had been born during it’s appearance in 1835. I had been spouting facts about an ancient Greek comet that had all of the characteristics of Halley’s so it MUST have been the same comet. I was so full of information that I was glad when someone would ask me about it. Apparently a lot of people including adults had the idea that it would be SUPER BRIGHT or that it would streak by like a “shooting star” and I was happy to correct this misinformation. Turns out many people were disappointed that year including myself. One of my uncles said to me “I went outside last night and didn’t see anything flying over but an airplane.” Some nights during Halley’s visit my dad would take us out into a field and let us use his gigantic binoculars to look for the comet on clear dark nights. We were able to see it but it was HARD. The binoculars were powerful and heavy which made it hard to keep them steady enough for a clear view. I tried to slow my breath and the beat of my heart. With patience I was able to get a pretty good look at the smudge of a comet in the night sky and after several nights I was able to make out that distant smudge with my naked eye! I was initially disappointed with my view of the comet and others would make comments about wasting their time or exclaim “THAT is all it is?!” when I pointed it out for them. I was able to regain my own enthusiasm for the event my giving friends and family some facts about what we were looking up at. I would say “yeah, but it is on the opposite side of the sun from us” and when they were still mumbling unimpressed I would say “Hey, it’s 39 MILLION miles away and you can SEE IT!” then someone might say “I can’t actually see it though” and I would say “focus right beside it because sometimes it easier to see when you don’t look right at it” which didn’t go over very well. One time I was trying to impress whoever was out in the dark field with me by saying “there are TWO meteor showers associated with Halley’s Comet!” and I got a couple of “cools” and an “awesome, are they happening tonight!?” I wished I could say yes but replied “uhhhhh no… but if you stay out here for awhile looking up you will see a random shooting star just like every other night.” which was followed by a long pause while we all looked up then “Ohhhhh kaaaay” This was a tough crowd. Some people seemed to be disappointed in ME because I had built the comet up over several months and they felt as if I had tricked them.
Over the years I saw people get all excited about upcoming events only to be let down at the reality so I stopped building things up for people and stopped volunteering information about things that I was interested in. If someone asked me a question I was all to happy to give them all of the information they wanted but I mostly stopped inviting people out to look at meteor showers and planets with me. I did have a few younger cousins and a couple of older cousins that would occasionally watch the night sky with me but it seemed to me that there wasn’t much room for it in the adult world. One thing that everyone still seemed to get excited about though was THE ECLIPSE. I started to think of the eclipse as the easy way to get people into my world of astronomy.
Not long after the passing of Halley’s comet I received a decent Meade telescope for Christmas. Having a telescope was amazing for me and I used it throughout the year spending many hours alone beneath the dome of the sky. My dad spent more time with me and my ‘scope than anyone else did and I will never forget the time we spent taking turns at the eye piece looking at the moon and the planets. I remember the very first thing I looked at through my telescope. My dad was with me and I was trying to follow the directions for using the new tripod to position my new telescope to view Sirius close to the horizon. It was super bright and super twinkly and very colorful. I didn’t want to spend too much time reading the manual so I grabbed the largest lens (which turns out to be the lowest magnification) and popped it into the 90 degree diagonal prism and aimed the end of my ‘scope at the big bright twinkly star figuring that it would be about the easiest thing to find. Almost right away I spotted the BIG bright scintillating light and got super excited. I was bouncing up and down on the inside but being very careful and deliberate on the outside. The image I was seeing was big and fuzzy so I started to dial the focus in….the image got BIGGER but I realized that it was also getting fuzzier so I dialed the knob the other direction. As the image sharpened it got smaller and smaller but still seemed to be twinkling even though it wasn’t as colorful. I was amazed at how alive the star appeared through the lens. I started to feel like an astronomer making a discovery because it seemed like small objects were darting in and out and around the star. I couldn’t believe what I WAS SEEING! I actually gasped aloud. I couldn’t believe it until I realized exactly what I was looking at. The end of my scope had dropped slightly and rather than being aimed at the “dog star” it was aimed and now perfectly focused on a street light about half a mile away that had moths and beetles darting around it and banging into the light. It was a really great close up of the light. I remember the feeling of being dumbfounded and nonplussed and then laughing so hard at the realization that I was looking at something on planet Earth. I let my dad have a look and we both just laughed and laughed. He told me to let that be a lesson to me. I took that to mean that perspective and focus are important and that our ideas can be changed by focus or the lack thereof without even knowing what we’re really looking at.
Me having this telescope sort of got people’s attention again. In the summer of 1989 I was 16 years old and we had a total lunar eclipse. It was a spectacular event because it went on for HOURS and it occurred a few days after the peak of the Perseid meteor shower so we saw several “shooting stars” as well. It was a warm night, we were still out of school for the summer so I had friends and family come over to look through my telescope. People always asked to come look through it whenever there was a meteor shower even though I explained that meteor showers couldn’t be viewed through a telescope. So while we were all out in the field I would let people take turns looking through my telescope. They oohed and ahhed as I aimed and focused on Saturn and it rings, or Jupiter and it’s moons or our own moon and it’s many mare and craters. I had my crowd back. I will never forget that night as long as I live. I was having conversations about eclipses and meteor showers and the comets that caused them and people were actually listening and amazed and excited like I was. I remember specifically telling people that this was one of the best eclipses so far and that I regretted that I wasn’t aware of the one in 1982 that had been an eclipse at PERIGEE that was the second full moon of the month which made it a blue moon. I told them how very rare it was and how there wouldn’t be another blue perigee lunar eclipse until I was FORTY FOUR YEARS OLD!! I couldn’t imagine how the world would be in thirty years. I had no idea where I would be but I knew that I would be watching that eclipse! I had no idea that the term “supermoon” would replace “full moon at perigee” or how I would fight that change at first before grudgingly accepting it and then coming to sorta kinda like it….even though I can’t stop myself from telling people that I had been a moon freak or “lunatic” before it was cool and that the terms supermoon and micromoon were very recent creations even though the moon has been doing those particular tricks forever.
This morning less than a month before my 45th birthday I stood alone on the balcony of a very old mansion along the Indian River as I watched the moon that I had told my crowd about 30 years ago. It was a beautiful rare blue super eclipsing moon. It was worth the wait even though from my vantage point it was setting before it reached totality. I was NOT disappointed. In fact it was better than I had come to
expect it to be for me. I thought clouds would probably block it. In recent years I have lowered my expectations which means simply that I am less disappointed with celestial events as well as terrestrial ones. Everything is amazing and wonderful. Just the fact that a round glob of goop in my face has a lens that allows light in to a bigger glob of goop in my skull which translates into images so that I can see what is happening around me even light years away is mind numbing. More mind numbing even than a street light surrounded by bugs on a cold night in Florida.






I think that deep down we all know that the end is THE END. That we all return to the void that we were before we were conceived. We don’t experience the void because we are not conscious. We don’t exist before conception and we won’t exist again. Otherwise why would there be the survival instinct? We can all TRY to fool ourselves into believing that we believe in an afterlife but if we do then why do we fight to stay in this life or dread death? The pain and scariness of the actual act of DYING is understandable but the terror of being dead forever is ridiculous. We weren’t ALIVE for most of time and even the oldest person’s life is short compared to the the time that they are not alive. Deep down there is a certainty that we will soon be nonexistent again. Nonexistence is the easy part but it is not enjoyable. Even pain and uncertainty are an experience. Nonexistence is the absence of experience and I can see how that can be attractive to people struggling in this life but the beauty is in the struggle. The void may seem beautiful from this side and the thought of never ever struggling again is certainly attractive but the knowledge that it is not only unavoidable but also permanent is reason enough to put it off for as long as possible. If we TRULY believed there was a future to experience after death we would not have a survival instinct that kicks in when our consciousness is threatened. We would not gasp for breath or claw our way to the surface. We would simply relax into our exit or be excited for the adventure of the next phase of existence. We wouldn’t come up with elaborate bed time stories of paradise to comfort us about death. Enjoy life because just like anyone that has ever lived or will live it’s the only one you get. This life is precious and beautiful for no other reason than that it is PRECIOUS and BEAUTIFUL and it doesn’t have to mean a thing.
Need an interesting hobby that will not only exercise your body but also your mind? Not everyone is familiar with Geocaching but it’s a real-world, outdoor treasure hunting game using GPS-enabled devices. Participants navigate to a specific set of GPS coordinates and then attempt to find the geocache (container) hidden at that location. Participants come up with a cool or clever profile name and register at https://www.geocaching.com then begin their hide and seek adventures. Our FLorida4ce started out Geocaching in October 2005 because my parents got us into it. I homeschooled our kids and felt like this was an excellent way to learn so many things about problem solving, navigation, teamwork, determination and disappointment as well as learning about nature and enjoying all that the outdoors gives us. Our team was my husband, myself and our two sons, hence the “4 ” in FLorida4ce. We really had a LOT of fun especially in 2009 when we all had a lot of time to find caches as a family.
After all of the construction stopped in our area my husband had to switch careers and out of necessity changed from running a land survey crew to being an over the road truck driver. With my husband out of town a lot we didn’t get to cache much because we wanted to stay a team. Eventually we stopped caching at all. In 2013 my husband left us without much of a warning and as you can imagine that was a huge disruption in our lives. I went from being a stay at home mom to working 3rd shift in an industrial laundry and teaching yoga and fitness classes mornings and evenings in a few local gyms and studios. I didn’t have much free time. Anytime we would think about Geocaching we just didn’t do it because I was either too tired or didn’t have time to sync the cache locations from the website to our GPS. We were also reminded of all the good times we had as a four person team. Even our caching handle reminded us that someone was missing.
Currently I am gone for work about 60 hours a week and do not have a lot of time for family or anything else. My sons are now 18 and 21 and I try to come up with activities to do together since we’re all busy a lot. For two years I’ve gotten us annual passes to Universal and that’s a blast but I also wanted to have a less expensive activity that we could do without having to drive for hours. We just recently got back into Geocaching and it is so much easier now because of smart phones and the app to follow instead of loading a few caches into a GPS from the desktop computer. Now there is no need to go back to the computer to log our finds either. Everything can be done on the go.
In the past several weeks we decided to take the leap from just finding to HIDING! We have gotten great responses from the people that are finding our caches. We try to make caches that we would’ve loved to come across when the kids were younger. We try to make sure the hides are in places with terrific views in areas that have parks or picnic areas so that other cachers can not only find a cache but also a new place to enjoy even when they’re not on the hunt! WE LOVE the logs that other participants post when they find our caches and really love the photos that they are sharing!
I am having a good time Geocaching even with all of the changes in my personal life. We don’t have our original team anymore and my older son hasn’t gone out with us yet since we got back into it but he is still part of the team as a consultant until he gets time to join in. My younger son often goes along with me and usually my girlfriend and her super sweet dog Lady comes along with us too. Even if I go it alone I have a feeling that this hobby is going to be part of what keeps me active as I deal with this aging broken body. I adore weather and the sky and scenery and geocaching takes me right out into it.
Check it out, you don’t have to become a part of the geocaching community but if you choose to you can communicate with other cachers on the site and nowadays they even have geocaching events and gatherings. We haven’t gone to any of the events but we’re thinking about it – HAPPY GEOCACHING!!

Boardwalk where one of our caches is hidden

Jetty nearby one of our caches

View from one of our caches

The treasure map I created for participants to follow
Let’s lay in a tide pool you and I, with the sun all day on our backs. To feel the surge wash the shells up and then drag them beneath us will be like hundreds of tiny fingers massaging away our worries and putting them out to sea.
Let not even words come between us to interrupt our conversation. Like ‘Strangers in a Strange Land’ this water ceremony will allow us to grok one another in perfect fullness. Become my water brother on the shore at rest between the extremes of crashing surf and barren sand.
We’ll watch the sun as it westers and extinguishes itself in the gulf. You’ll not have to ask for me to rub ointment on your too warm skin,I’ll cherish the act as this growing closer continues through the night.
In the morning there’ll be a new pool to soothe your tender back.So then let’s lay in a tide pool you and I, with the sun all day on our face ~ Kiddo
This is gonna be a hard Monday to top. Had an unexpected visit from loved ones while at work, then came out to find an actual handwritten sweet note on my car from someone else. Witnessed a delicious sunset. Then went for my run that I looked forward to since my perfect morning run. Then had ANOTHER inpromptu pizza night at my apartment with some amazingly beautiful people with my boys and all the while texting with some gorgeous fun caring friends. Seriously, what else could I need? Or stand? I’m not the jealous type but I’m almost jealous of myself right now…can’t stop smiling while watching t.v. in bed alone…middle of the bed and can’t reach the sides. 😀 #warmandfuzzies #inlovewithlife #Unisisababe
seeking solace in the horizon of life and beyond
Updates on current Projects at the Siena Art Institute in Siena, Italy. For more info visit our website www.sienaart.org
Poetry and words
Doing What Makes My Soul Shine
writing is sorrow; having had written is sublime
in search of a better us
Fighting Depression, Anxiety, and Self-Harm
Subtitles: Kiddo's Korner, Spinach in Your Mamma's Smile, Mutterings of a Mad Woman, Don't Mention It, Never Argue with an Idiot , Lord Beer Me Strength, Random Thoughts, You Don't Have To Thank Me (It's What I Do) and UNNECESSARY CAPITALIZATION.
MY TAKE ON LIFE.
Mind • Body • Life
A collection of nonsensical words thrown together
adventures of sadie and momma
A "How to Thrive" Guide After Divorce
A Hopefully Formerly Depressed Human Vows To Practice Self-Approval