She was my sky, ever changing but always there for me so always beautiful.
mind flicker
Philosophical Rant
All I can say about today is “UGH” and “I’M UP TO THE CHALLENGE!!” Sometimes ppl will accuse me of being a pessimist (usually when I point out something to do with my looks or position in life) and sometimes people’ll accuse me of being an optimist but in both cases I respond the same way: I’m a realist…I see the truth and I’m not afraid of it. Life is beautiful. Life is discouraging and ugly but NOTHING can take away from the fact that despite the beauty and the ugliness we can CHOOSE to enjoy it and wring every bit of pleasure from it….and in that way even the ugliest circumstance becomes immeasurably gorgeous. …so beautiful that it brings tears to the eyes….I have THOUSANDS of photos of beautiful sunrises,sunsets, storms and rainbows. ..they’re all spectacular and worth living to see the next one. The greatest wonders in life are free and just accessible to the pauper as the prince…priceless in their originality just as much as in their promise to come again in a slightly different incarnation. Life is a series of cycles. Tiny little cycles too small to notice and enormous cycles so big we could NEVER comprehend them and no matter if time is linear or deviant we can experience it only one moment at a time….each moment to be appreciated or ignored. If we fully experienced each moment we would be useless….so we are open to distraction and interpretation which actually preserves us but the truth remains and our lives are the results of our random as well as meaningful choices. We are all but pixels in the bigger picture. The smaller we make our universe the more significance we play in it and the grander we make existence the less influence we have on it. Some people say look at the bigger picture without realizing that the enormity of the actual BIGGER picture is that we have absolutely no influence on the cosmos as individuals….so I choose to live the not so big picture and actually make a postive difference in the lives of my loved ones and my community. If everyone chose to do so the world would be infinitely better and the universe and the multiverse as well…but science decrees that a positive can’t exist without a negative which is great because I love lightning and magnets and equal and opposite reactions and sometimes the best thing to accept is that I only have so much power and therefore a limited responsibility even though the potential is available if we ALLL worked together. The chance that all creatures will work together for the greater good is slim to none which basically means that the pressure is off. Enjoy your little slice of life. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, the ball bounces and let the chips fall as they may. It’s all good. Inhale love exhale love…not one breathe wasted 🙂
Intense situation…
So many situations we find ourselves in these days wouldn’t have been possible not too long ago. Thanks to modern gizmos ‘n’ gadgets I found myself in a pretty surreal situation today. Apparently my phone screen is more difficult to replace than any phone screen in the history of the universe so nearly a month after I paid for my replacement screen I found myself BACK at the Mr. Phone Fixit shop for the third time. Anticipating that I might have to leave my cracked phone at the shop I had brought along my older phone to be used if necessary. After having participated in cheerful chit chat with the other anxious parents in the waiting area I powered on my old device. Even in a waiting area in a phone repair shop it seems odd to just continue to sit in such close proximity to other weird wired people without my electronic sheild in hand. I noticed straight away that I was getting a ton of notifications and that many of them were voicemails that hadn’t been listened to. That wasn’t a big surprise because I very rarely listen to messages. I have fewer unlistened to messages on my new phone because people finally stopped recording them. So without even a premonitory pause I decided to listen for a bit to pass the time. BIG MISTAKE. A deliciously happy, excited loving voicemail from a year ago changed me from being a cheerful stranger in a hopeful waiting area to a shattered person sitting perfectly still so that my pieces wouldn’t scatter all over the place while trying to force my lungs to function. It was very surreal. Sounds around me were muted and it felt like someone had stabbed a GIGANTIC ice sword through my gut. My vision was fading around the edges and I felt like everyone in the room were awaiting my reaction so I had none. I kept all of my reacting on the inside where it belongs.
~Kiddo
Wrong door…
Can you believe that I just walked into the wrong apartment? Looking down at my sky map, I glanced at the door handle as I turned it, stepped across the threshold and shut the door behind me and just stood there stunned to be in a small dark space. My eyes slo-mo movie-style focused on a laundry basket on the floor to my right and a cardboard box to my left. Next I noticed a carpeted stairs 2 steps in front of me that was dimly lit from the top. At the top of the stairs was a fluffy cat frozen midstep staring at me with it’s mouth hanging open. I could hear a strange t.v. show and realized that I was either straight trippin’ OR standing in someone else’s home. The cat glances over it’s shoulder toward the softly lit apartment, I glance over my shoulder to the door….the cat sees it’s owner walking toward the sound of the intruder… I see the door handle slo-mo turning in my hand. The cat voices a tattle meow as I step past the EXTREMELY loud squealing door and quick-but-quietly close the door and casual-fast hustle a few doors down to my door through which I quiet-quickly enter through. Surreals ya’ll
True stories…
Through the steam I found myself flirting with my seductive shower head and it’s not even detachable
My left knee sports a big blue tender sex bruise while the bunion on my right foot pulses with a hot throbbing ache.
Random Wednesday Night in the Life of a Random Middle-aged Nympho involves a home hair dye kit and a bottle of wine from Publix.
Lesser of evils
At this stage of the game it’s absolutely NOT about LOVING myself. It’s about hating myself the least amount possible.
Nonense…
Random almost audible quotes from in my head tonight
  “My girlfriend’s stairs were nearly my downfall” …. (“Seriously,” I just almost audibly thought )
SELF-proclaimmmmed “World’s Greatest Gourmet Sandwich” (and I got it with the delightfully exotic bread substitute LETTUCE. And still.)
“Mutha Fuckin Sonovabitch….why the FUUUCK would they change the color scheme in the android messaging app to fuckin’ orange?! It was PERFECT with the blue tones now we got ‘Google oraNGE!?!?! What genius subjects us to this?!” (That’s a self-proclaimed ‘paraphrase’)
“Fuck” (EXACT quote)
Magical power
Check it out…
Urmagherd….priceless. The randomness of the information super highway is unfathomable. I am scintillating between best thing ever & the complete total opposite of that. #whoa ¿? #mindflicker

