Making Do

July 27, 2021July 27, 2021Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

Are you going to love me despite who I am and allow me to love you for who you are while sharing a consensual monogamous sexually satisfying relationship?

No?

Then don’t judge me for finding ways to distract myself from that fact. If I can never have what I actually want then the rest of it doesn’t matter.

You know what I crave even more than multiple mind blowing time bending orgasms?

Parking to watch a storm roll across the inlet and laughing at the way we jump and squeal when lightning strikes and thunder booms

Long lazy mornings reading in bed too comfortable with each other to get dressed

Trusting each other with our inner darkness and also with our light

Finishing each other’s sentences

Sharing the same sky

Tea on the couch

Moonlit walks

Silliness

Intimacy

You

~Kiddṏ 2021

Talking to Myself

September 10, 2020Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

In my head I’m always writing things to you that I will never
send and then also in my head explaining to you what I
wrote but didn’t send.

Like writing :
“Let’s just say that between the two of you
I would have more fun watching paint dry
with one than getting naked at the
beach and slippery in the surf and then eating insanely delicious
tacos at that Taco Spot on the beach then taking
A1A up the entire south east coast of the state through
all the little beach access towns and ocean avenues
with the other of you.”

Then explaining (also in my head):
“Yeah. I’d trade the day I had today for watching paint dry.
I really would, even though there was a blue storm
a few miles inland while I was naked in the water
with rumbling thunder and distant lightning. Plus, the tacos
were ridiculously delicious at the beach side restaurant.
Also, there are a LOT of magnificent trees, fountains
and ocean views along the scenic route we took back home.
The day was sofa king gorgeous. I wish you could have felt it.
Especially the cool sea breeze from the open windows
with the truck AC blasting on sun warmed skin.”

I’ll leave it up to you to decide who’s who.

So yeah, I’d rather spend time with you than to have sex
and I REALLY enjoy sex. In fact I think it’s one of the top three
reasons to be alive. The other two reasons are, of course,
eating and the one hundred percent innocent non carnal
pure joy I feel from seeing Luna in all of her fullness just
above the horizon or a big bunch of darkening cumulus
clouds or watching a thunderstorm churning the waters at
the inlet or experiencing a meteor streak across the sky so
close I feel like I can reach up and grab it.

I feel guilty for feeling so strongly even though it ISN’T a
bad thing. I can’t help how I feel but I can keep it to myself
by keeping these conversations with you in my head.
My feelings are not your problem.

Don’t even get me started on your dream visitations.
I’m pretty sure you are fully aware of what you are doing there.

~Kiddṏ

Horny for Snuggles

May 25, 2020May 30, 2020Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

Laying on my bed watching the delicious heavy rain’s got me thinking about how the 1st thing you do when you snuggle up against them is kiss the back of their neck

you just do

if there’s long wavy hair in the way you bury your face into the lightly scented depths until your lips meet their nape

then you apply one firm smooch to the base

then a very gentle light-as-a-breath one a little higher up

as you firmly but fleetingly press your pelvis forward into the ripeness of their warm cheeks

and you tighten then slightly release your arms

Unless you’re snuggling a friend

(Which means that you refrain from pressing your pelvis into their cheeks after the neck kisses of course)

then you just lay there snuggled up and experience the rain together

~KiDDṏ

So many delicious days & nights of perfect snuggle weather.

“And if you can’t be with the one you love honey
snug the one you’re with, snug the one you’re with,
snug the one you’re with, snug the one you’re with.”

Learning to Dance in the Rain – Excerpt from There Were So Many Dancing Times

October 20, 2019December 28, 2020Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

(Excerpt from my childhood)

…“It’s raining! It’s raining!” I shout gleefully “Can we go play in the rain Mamma?!”

“Let’s go!” Mamma stands up with Sarah as the next song starts and she boogies over to the door singing “If you got the money honey, I got the time!”

Mama opens the door and Stephen jumps from the top step with his towel cape flying behind him and I stand on the second step holding my face up to the sun and the rain to enjoy this “sun shower’ before leaping into it. Mamma and Sarah join us on the grass and we dance around in the spring rain that smells like orange blossoms from the grove next to our trailer. It seems the sun shower is about to fizzle out but then Mamma shouts, “Wooo! Woo woo woo!” and starts popping her mouth with her left hand and nodding her head up and down and rhythmically tapping first one and then the other of her bare feet on the wet ground. “Wooo! Woo woo woo! Woo! woo woo woo!” She continues this as she begins to move in a circle and Stephen and I follow suit when we realize that she is doing her “Indian rain dance”.

“Woo woo woo woo!” we are all dancing following Mamma in a slow circle. We kids start to improvise and make this dance our own. I add a few spins to my my dance first one direction and then the other and Stephen adds his own rain call which is a higher pitched vocalization after about every third set of 4 woos. We all have our heads back calling up to the clouds requesting more rain and it works as usual. Soon we are all drenched by a cool downpour as the deluge starts in earnest. I love the cleansing rain and am so happy that Mamma decided to dance up a storm. We break from the circle and all dance around the yard catching raindrops in our mouths until thunder starts to rumble across the sky. Lightning flashes in the distance and we all know that signals a temporary end to our outside dancing and we head straight for the door. The wind picks up and as Mamma opens the door it is snatched from her hand and slams into the trailer making us all squeal and laugh. As we get inside Mamma turns off the radio and tells us to take off our wet clothes and then wraps each of us in a towel and plops us in a row on the couch.

“Now be still and be quiet. Daddy will be home soon and I am fixing to start supper. You know lightning is attracted to loud kids and wiggle worms.”

We definitely know that. We sit still and quiet listening to the thunder as it really starts to boom. The lightning keeps flashing so bright I start to see spots. It’s like God has the flashbulb attachment on his Polaroid and we are posing for Him. Stephen is on one end of the couch and I’m on the other with Sarah wide-eyed in the middle.

I whisper to Sarah, “It’s okay Sarah, the lightning will leave us alone if we are very quiet and don’t move.” I lean back against the cushion and monitor the storms sounds as it ratchets up and then starts to wind down almost as quickly as it started. I’m starting to feel pretty sure that we are going to be safe and my eyes are beginning to feel heavy. Mixed in with the rumbling thunder are sounds of Mamma opening and closing the icebox and of her getting out pots and pans. The smell of Mamma’s cooking wafts from the kitchen as the thunderstorm sounds further and further away outside and I fall asleep right there wrapped in a towel like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

~ Kiddo

Current Status

September 1, 2019May 30, 2020Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

Notwithstanding the potential hurricane, it feels ABSOLUTELY luxurious to not have to go to a job for the next 2 days. I have had 2 days off since January and they were NOT in succession. I get 2 in a row !!(maybe more if things go south but I get 2 off for sure before the potential shit hits the potential fan) I got a few new books and I am excited to read them 😁

~KiDDṏ

The Sun is Shining Weather is Sweet

May 23, 2018Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

FINALLY, after days and days and DAYS of nearly constant rain, the sun is shining! Don’t get me wrong I dearly love rain and thunderstorms, clouds and dimly lit days but I was definitely missing the sunshine. I have had to commute through flooded roadways, potholed streets and downpours with maniac drivers. Some people drive like it isn’t raining at all and some people drive like they have NEVER seen water fall from the sky. It is not a safe mix for interstate travel.

Last week during a deluge I watched from an intersection of two major roadways as a northbound vehicle drove through the flooded street and then over the median that was underwater and into southbound lanes. Fortunately, the southbound traffic lights were red so there wasn’t a collision. The driver stopped momentarily and I assumed they were going to turn so that they were headed south too. Not the case. The driver proceeded to drive northward as the traffic got the green light and headed toward them. It was crazy. I couldn’t believe my eyes as vehicles started to stream around the car as if it were a stone in a river. Moments later I had to pull off of the road and wait the flood out. My car was stalling and other vehicles that were larger than mine were creating wakes that had the water up to my doors.

I have been informed by the weather forecasters that this morning’s sunshine will not last and that my Memorial Day weekend plans will be soggy as the rain comes back for another week of Florida fun but I dearly hope that they are wrong. I don’t want to travel with the holiday travelers through more of that mess. I have my fingers crossed and my vibes set to ‘Sunshine” so I’m doing all that I can do to ensure that my trip to Saint Augustine will have dry weather.

I haven’t had a chance to stop by the beach on the way to work for the last couple of weeks but decided to celebrate this morning by stopping by for a few minutes to breath in the salty air and experience the freshly washed shoreline. There were many people out despite the early hour and everyone was friendly and smiling. There was a festive feel to the scene and I lingered as long as I could before heading to work. Life is good in sunshine AND in rain but for this morning I am soaking in the sun.

Make your hay people. The sun is shining

Lonely rain

September 25, 2015September 25, 2015Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

I love the sound of the rain outside my window. It’s soothing music to sleep to even though tonight it makes my aloneness under the covers more real. There’s something about listening to the rain with someone that makes it sound different than when listening alone. It’s beautiful either way.

My magic shoes

September 18, 2015Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

My magic shoes...they'll take me any whehyuh

My magic shoes…they’ll take me any whehyuh.

Every puddle I ran through tonight was warm so it was like splashing through tepid tree soup and I made sure I didn’t miss a single bowl. The rain was steady and ran off the end of my nose. After awhile the runoff tasted of salt. When I first started out I wondered how I would fare without my Kangoos to protect my joints and put a spring in my stride and figured I would run until I just stopped…which made me think of Forrest Gump and how in Vietnam it just rained and rained until one day it just stopped and how later he ran and ran until one day he just stopped. I thought of metaphors and symbolism and took a reading from each of my slightly complaining body parts to see if any one of them didth protest too much. Every part seemed committed to continuing if I persisted so I forded the flood and used each upcoming puddle as my motivational carrot. I wore these shoes because they’re old and failing which means their decrepitcy gave them a beautiful purpose. I didn’t wear socks because my feet would get damp inside my sneaks anyway so I had a more personal purposeful relationship with my soles… which made me think of my soul vs my sole and I thought of homonym and homophone and gauged the distance left to my place to see if I thought I would make it back. Every puddle seemed behind me now and only a few turns remained so I was disappointed to be at the end but used the last bite of my carrot to bound to the end of my 2 mile peregrination.

Kiddo Uncompromised

June 10, 2015June 10, 2018Kiddo's Korner 24/7 1 Comment

“When the moisture on my face is a mixture of sweat, raindrops from the literal storm that I am running through, tears of pain and doubt that I refuse to hold back and tears of pure joy at the beauty of my life that’s when I know that I have lived. I am in this moment truly ALIVE!”
~ Kiddo (6-10-15)

I have been a runner my entire life. I have been running since before running was “cool”. In the 70’s I didn’t need a cool head band, sneakers and jogging shorts. All I needed was my barefeet and ground to cover. I didn’t wear hairbands and ponytail holders because I had a sensitive scalp and was prone to headaches so I tended to run against the wind when I could. The wind not only kept my straggly hair out of my face allowing me to see where I was going but it also made me earn every inch of ground that I crossed. Sometimes I would run against wind so STRONG that it seemed like I was running in place. To me this was a good time. I never looked for the path of least resistance and I felt like the more challenging something was to do the more it was worth doing. I didn’t run for financial gain or for health or for the recognition of others. I RAN FOR THE PURE JOY OF IT.

In the 80’s I was encouraged to join the track team at school and since I loved running and jumping I did. I was one of the best on the team and my biggest problem (as well as my coach’s ) was that I could only participate in three events per track meet. I ran the mile run every single meet but I also ran the mile relay (as the anchor or catch up runner) and did the long jump and the high jump depending on where I was needed most for a particular event. One thing that allowed me to really shine was when the runners would have to run against the wind. Most of the runners in Jr high and high school hated running against the wind and were very discouraged by it. Not me. I would tuck my chin, fold my lips in to keep them from drying out and slow my breath to avoid flaring my nostrils. My hair would fly out behind me and I would be a kid again running for the pure joy of it like my Creek ancestors did generations ago.

Even as someone that truly loves running there would be times as a teenager that I would want to quit. Training to run sometimes took some of the fun out it. Occasionally, I would rather be doing something other than running and I would MAKE myself run at least 5 miles. When my dad got in on my training and would have me drink 5 raw eggs before running 5 miles every morning no matter what the weather I started to lose my joy. I truly hated running in the cold. When I found myself focusing on how far I would still have to go I would make myself stop thinking like that. I trained myself to look back on how far I had gone. The truth is that just running ONE mile was an accomplishment. There was no failure. At first I would have to make myself flip my perspective from one of dreading the distance yet to go to appreciating how far I had gone. The higher the number of laps or miles I had ran grew the more I would feel like I could quit at anytime and still have won. Even giving myself permission to quit I wouldn’t quit because the pressure was off and it was basically a game to see how far I could push myself.

Once again I have found myself in the position of being a single unemployed mother and I can’t help but feel the importance of the decisions I make in the near future. There’s WEIGHT to my choices simply because I am not the only one effected by them. Weight isn’t necessarily a bad thing though. It makes us see what we consider important. It makes us stop and truly think about our decisions. In fact, I have a few weights that I have been carrying around for the majority of my life that I hope to never lose. When I was seven years old running barefooted through a field near my home I was stopped short by something that looked like an egg. It was a blur beneath my feet as I zoomed past it but I came to a screeching halt and walked back about 10 yards to see this bird egg. When I got back to it I discovered that it wasn’t an egg at all. I had found a perfectly smooth, cool to the touch even in the mid-day sun, stone! I started calling it my pet rock because pet rocks had been really cool about 5 years before and this was the coolest natural rock I had ever seen. I had seen plenty of perfectly smooth rocks in rivers in the Carolinas and Tennessee but this was in the middle of a dry field in central Florida and nearly perfectly round. I thought it was amazing and I have carried that rock with me for about 35 years. In 1992 when I was 19yrs old I discovered another weight that I loved so much I had to have it. This discovery was a paper weight I unpacked at Cracker Barrel while I was stocking the gift shop with new items. It was just a glob of glass, with different coloured glass inside to look like two dolphins swimming in the ocean. I loved it and bought it with my employee discount. That was 23 years ago. I have kept both of my weights with me through thick and thin. Even when I didn’t have a place of my own and I was backpacking through the southeastern states I kept these two weights. I never even used them to hold down papers. I kept these items with me because they were beautiful to look at and felt great in my hands. One seemed to be shaped and smoothed by nature and the other was intentionally crafted my a human. Both of these weights were shaped by outside forces exerted on them but both of them were beautiful as a result and their form was even more impressive to me than their function. Everytime I had to sort through my belongings and choose necessities I kept both of these weights. I kept them through spring cleanings and chaff clearings and they have been with me for the good and the not so good. I’ve kept these weights through my ups and downs because I value what we’ve been through together and they’re lovely to behold.

This afternoon I went for my run and I have so much energy since I haven’t worked in four days. I’m like a cross between Sarah Connor and those treadmill dancers and I just enjoy myself as I cruise on down the road. I had a great playlist of songs that I totally enjoyed running to. The songs gave me an opportunity to change my pace and move to different rhythms. The wind was in my face and it started to rain and I was completely ALIVE.

I am NOT scared of the future. I know that even if I don’t find a job in time to keep our apartment that my heart will keep on beating and I will still live, laugh and love beneath the sun and the clouds and the beauty of the night sky. Life is about ups and downs and round and rounds. I truly love roller coasters and I will make the best of the ride.

When I think about the uncertainty of the future I remind myself that no one’s future is certain. Even people who think that their path is set and that they know where they’re going they are not CERTAIN of how things will turn out. If you’re under the illusion that your future is set I hope that you’re not proven wrong. I hope that you’re not caught off guard. If your life goes exactly according to plan then I am HAPPY for you. I also will feel a little bit sorry for you because you won’t know how you can roll with the changes. You won’t find out about your ability to go with the flow and learn to compromise without compromising your true self. I lost my job four days ago for being true to myself and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Life is beautiful even as it’s uncertain and I am happy with that. I look back on my life and see that I might’ve made different choices in retrospect but we don’t have the ability to go back and make changes. Even though there are a few things I would do differently if given the option to go back I am glad that I can’t. Every choice and every consequence that I lived through has shaped me and strengthened me to be what I am today. Every worry I have ever had has been pointless unless I see it as a learning experience. I worried about things that weren’t necessary because things work out one way or another and often times things that I worried about never came true. These things still teach me about the things that are important to me and give me an appreciation for how things turn out. When I had just given birth to my first child I was genuinely concerned that his tiny mouth couldn’t possibly latch onto my giant nipple but the nurse assured me that this wouldn’t be a problem. She had experience and she turned out to be right. Now that little baby is making his way through the world and driving himself around in his own car going about his business never knowing that at one time I was worried that he might not be able to nurse.

Life works out and life is beautiful. It’s all about the journey because the destination is the end of life and we will all get there eventually. If it were possible to stand before my ancestors and my posterity I would proudly say that I lived my life true to me. I’m a hedonist and enjoy life fully but I have made a positive difference in the lives that I have touched. I have made the world a better place and I have cooperated along the way but I never compromised. I have run with the wind at my back but I was truly alive when I ran against the wind with my straggly hair flying out behind me earning every inch of ground that I covered.

Hopefully I will find a good job soon that both pays the bills and allows me to be a service to others without being a disservice to myself. Until that time I will do my best to make it happen but I will not worry about the future. The future is uncertain but it will happen no matter what.