All views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily
represent the views of, and should not be attributed to the author at past or future stages of her life

   Don’t give me that big picture bullshit. So many times people want to look at ‘the big picture‘ but they don’t even realize they only mean ‘the not even medium picture’. Maybe they don’t want to realize it. The actual ”BIG PICTURE” is so big that nothing you could ever do matters to IT at ALL. The truth is life is beautiful and finite, the universe is magnificent and infinite and time is just another word for change. As humans we can’t even fully comprehend our own explanations of such enormous concepts and the fact is that the universe is so big that we can’t even begin to really understand it. The universe as some experts have determined is 13.7 billion years old and the structure of the universe (or multiverse if you can conceive of THAT) is far from built. The STRUCTURE isn’t even finished yet in this series of chain reactions that we call time. Your brain can’t grasp 13.7 billion and neither can it grasp 100 microseconds yet supposedly the blueprint for EVERYTHING in our universe was cast in the first 100 microseconds of the Big Bang….in THEORY.

    Everything is relative from size to time to our concepts of good and bad. There are more things in existence than we could possibly imagine. We are tiny. Can you imagine an aphid’s understanding of a baseball? Even if an aphid lived in a field near an abandoned baseball it’s entire life an aphid doesn’t have a way to even conceive of what a baseball is, what it’s for, that it has many layers and elements that can’t even be seen or how the many layers are manufactured. What is  “manufactured”? What’s a factory, a shipping invoice, a delivery truck? Yet a kid (?) in a little league game (?) can end multiple aphid lives with one sneaker while running to catch a baseball. In an instant without even being aware of “annihilation” the aphids will cease to live even though the unwitting child had no intention to harm or halt the aphids lives. An aphid’s life and death is inconsequential to us. There are many more aphid generations that will come and go without us noticing or even thinking about them. So what is that one aphid’s purpose? How consequential is that one aphid to the other aphids, to the field, the planet, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe?

     We can only understand time and space through our very limited abilities. As much as we can understand it we still will never know all of the answers to the questions we have let alone the answers to questions we will never even know to ask. Put yourself in that aphid’s position. There are things all around us every single day that if we can’t even conceive what they are, their purpose, the manufacturing of or the delivery of them into our realms of existence. We are constantly effected by the rotation of our planet yet for so much of human existence we didn’t even realize it was occurring. Earth’s rotation is part of our biology and we use it to mark time daily but most of Earth’s inhabitants don’t even know it exists. They can’t conceive of rotation anymore than they can conceive of things beyond their lifetime. As humans it’s both a blessing and a curse to know that the world went around before we were born and will continue to do so after we die.

   Some people view the fact that each of us is inconsequential as a bad thing: “oh fuck! I don’t matter… boo hoo hoo”  some see it as a good thing: “I can do anything because nothing matters… fuck yeah!”  In my opinion (which in actuality is FACT but I sound like less of an asshole by saying “in my opinion”) the truth is that it’s an AWESOME thing: Because YOU get to decide what matters and what doesn’t matter. Little bitty things can be your EVERYTHING and earth shaking things can effect you only slightly. Plus every variation of intensity and order of importance in between. Don’t let other people tell you what’s important to you because even I, in my infinite wisdom, can not experience life from inside of you. You already know what blows your hair back and guess what: you don’t have to know why. You can be your own god and you can say to yourself “Don’t eat Pork” without explanation or apology and not concern yourself with the fact that other people make their life from pork and pork products. Some people worship bacon.

   Why waste your life not being ALIVE? I say live this moment whether it’s pleasure or pain and realize this is it. You can’t live in the past and you can’t experience the future today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and an afterlife is probably just a fairytale to comfort those people that would be terrified to think that their own personal special consciousness has a looming deadline. I concede that anything is possible and I can’t prove what happens after death anymore than anyone else can. It’s all speculation no matter how inspired or confidently asserted. Maybe different things happen to different people posthumously. I personally (currently) believe that our consciousness ceases to exist at some point soon after our physical body dies. At other times during my journey I firmly believed otherwise. I can still discuss theories and spirituality and scientific evidence and speculate many different scenarios for life after death. I respect everyone’s beliefs.

    I would love to have a respectful, intelligent conversation with myself at different stages in my life. Wouldn’t it be neat to sit in a discussion group with your six year old self, your thirteen year old self, your twenty one year old self, your twenty six, thirty five, forty four, fifty five, sixty six, seventy, eighty, ninety year old self?  There would be so many differences of opinion expressed and so many beliefs that contradicted each other. How can anyone feel like someone else’s beliefs and ideas are wrong when we don’t even agree with ourselves at different stages of our journey? How could we ever feel superior over anyone else because of how they decipher the clues and try to explain the intricacies of existence from their own current point of view. How can anyone KNOW that they’re right and that everyone else that doesn’t agree with them is WRONG. If you ruled out the childish beliefs of your younger selves in the discussion group you would still have several full grown adult opinions of your own that differed. If you did rule out every theory and belief of the childhood yous in your discussion group what would YOU MISS OUT ON!? Wouldn’t it be amazing to lay in a field with your younger selves making shapes out of clouds while discussing total randomness?

    When it comes down to it OTHER people’s opinions about your life do not ultimately matter. Stop looking for someone else to praise or to blame. Be your own Saviour.
(2 days after I wrote this a very similar quote came up on my meditation app:
“Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.” so I decided to just save myself)

   The aphid can see a baseball but would never realize all it is seeing on the surface is the dead flesh of an alien creature that had been slaughtered and eaten and used to make accessories and children’s playthings. It wouldn’t even know to wonder about the materials inside but if it could it wouldn’t believe the alien carcass hid multiple spheres made from a different animals hair, plant parts, a synthetic of a naturally occurring tree sap, a different trees bark and traces of dirt and minerals. We are so accustomed to baseballs that we don’t even think of them as sinister or how much is involved to retrieve the materials to manufacture them or how many millions of them exist, have existed or will exist even after we’re gone. How significant is one baseball? One aphid? One kid? It’s all relative.

   I used to marvel at the wonders of life and gaze upon rainbows, sunsets, the night sky and the lands and seas and earnestly thank God for creating them out of his infinite love simply for me to enjoy. Now that I see them as results of naturally occuring scientific reactions they are no less inspirational and miraculous. I still appreciate their magnificence and acknowledge that there are forces at work which are greater than me and that Gravity is just but One ~ Kiddo

    I Know God Does Not Exist Because he Told Me So ~ Kiddo

           “Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”

   If you’ve read all of this I have one final thought: Go for a hike in the woods or walk through your neighborhood with your five year old self. Have yourselves an adventurous magical journey. Or be a fuddy duddy and read about the raw materials of a baseball. More goes into simple everyday objects than we usually think about. If you don’t read about the baseball at least follow this link and read about the amazing aphids of the world.

http://www.biokids.umich.edu/critters/Aphididae/

                                       Baseball Raw Materials

A baseball has three basic parts: the round cushioned cork pill at its core, the wool and poly/cotton windings in its midsection, and the cowhide covering that makes up its exterior.

The pill consists of a sphere, measuring 13/16 of an inch (2.06 centimeters) in diameter, made of a cork and rubber composition material. This sphere is encased in two layers of rubber, a black inner layer and a red outer layer. The inner layer is made up of two hemispheric shells of black rubber that are joined by red rubber washers. The entire pill measures 4-⅛ inches (10.47 centimeters) in circumference.

There are four distinct layers of wool and poly/cotton windings that surround the cushioned cork pill in concentric circles of varying thickness. The first winding is made of four-ply gray woolen yarn, the second of three-ply white woolen yarn, the third of three-ply gray woolen yarn, and the fourth of white poly/cotton finishing yarn. The first layer of wool is by far the thickest. When wrapped tightly around the pill, it brings the circumference of the unfinished ball to 7-3/4 inches (19.68 centimeters). The circumference increases to 8-3/16 inches (20.77 centimeters) after the second winding has been applied, 8-3/4 inches (22.22 centimeters) after the third, and 8-% (22.52 centimeters) after the fourth.

Wool was selected as the primary material for the baseball’s windings because its natural resiliency and “memory” allow it to compress when pressure is applied, then rapidly return to its original shape. This property makes it possible for the baseball to retain its perfect roundness despite being hit repeatedly during a game. A poly/cotton blend was selected for the outer winding to provide added strength and reduce the risk of tears when the ball’s cowhide cover is applied.

The baseball’s outer cover is made of Number One Grade, alum-tanned full-grained cowhide, primarily from Midwest Holstein cattle. Midwest Holsteins are preferred because their hides have a better grain and are cleaner and smoother than those of cattle in other areas of the United States. The cover of an official baseball must be white, and it must be stitched together with 88 inches (223.52 centimeters) of waxed red thread. Cowhides are tested for 17 potential deficiencies in thickness, grain strength, tensile strength and other areas before they are approved for use on official Major League baseballs.

Read more: http://www.madehow.com/Volume-1/Baseball.html#ixzz3ORJlqSnU