Hello my name is Kiddo and I am addicted to doing it myself. No matter what it is. So I have diagnosed myself and I do self medicate for being a DIY addict. With my busy schedule I rarely do crafts and I never get a chance to build anything with my hands anymore or even rearrange my furniture so I am not referring to those types of DIY projects. I live my life by doing ALMOST everything myself. It’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing it’s just the way I am. There are advantages and disadvantages to being self-reliant.
As a self-reliant person I save time by not waiting for other people to do simple chores like mowing the lawn, straightening up the house, unclogging drains, repairing leaky pipes, emptying the trash bins, cooking, laundry etc. Whenever I do ask someone else do these minor tasks for me I end up doing them anyway because I don’t like waiting. Maybe in this case I am just impatient. I don’t complain that the other person didn’t move fast enough I just decide to go ahead and do it myself. Sometimes the other person says “Hey! I was going to do that” and I say “I know, it’s okay I got it”. Usually I just don’t ask because I know that I won’t wait.
As a person that believes that each able bodied person should be capable if necessary of making changes in their lives for the sake of their own happiness I’ve never felt the need to use props, programs,medications or substitutes to quit smoking or drinking. I stopped each several times and know that I can again if I want to. I just have to want to enough to struggle through it on my own. I am also good at justifying my bad habits…as long as I’m practicing my Everything in Moderation theme then I should be okay. If I end up not okay it’s still okay because eventually we’ll all be equally okay.
I don’t ask many questions. If I need to know something my first response isn’t asking someone else it’s seeking the knowledge myself. There’s so much information out there that I can find it usually quite easily and sometimes even multiple contradicting answers to the same question. Then I just have to figure out what I believe to be most likely. If I need to get somewhere and Google Maps is wrong I will figure it out on my own. Rather than asking others to tell me from their experience what will happen if I do this or that I like to learn as I go. The same holds true for my faith in the universe and what happens after we die. I like to hear other people’s opinion but it doesn’t really change what I think and feel about the biggest questions we have as humans. I almost never ask for forgiveness from people. I will admit to it when I do something wrong whether intentionally or by accident. If they forgive me then fine but if they don’t that’s fine too. Forgiveness I only require from myself. Each person should forgive others if they’re holding something against them because it’s just a better way to live but I don’t require others to forgive me. There are things that I’ve done that I will never forgive myself for but I do move on and continue my go with the flow lifestyle
In the kitchen I also just do it however I feel like doing it. I don’t use recipes and I never even measure so each of my dishes is always a once in a lifetime event. I just figure I know the basics and the principals of how cooking works so I’ve never felt the need for recipes. I do enjoy reading recipe books sometimes but it’s like window shopping.
When it comes to inspiration and motivation I don’t look to others to do it for me. I inspire and motivate myself. Of course I have only myself to blame for not meeting my goals. When I exercise I know that not one other person on the planet gives a shit if I run or not. Nobody cares or even notices if I gain five pounds or if I lose the triceps and abs that I worked so hard for. I exercise only for myself. When my alarm goes off in the morning I just get up and go to work. No one has to keep waking me up or remind me that if I don’t hurry I will be late. It’s amazing that there are so many adults that can’t get themselves up everyday. Basic life skills shouldn’t be as hard as some people seem to make them. I am inspired by the world around me and the amazing people I know personally and by those I hear about or read about but if I found no other person’s life or struggle or their empowerment inspirational I would still be inspired.
A few of the things that inspire me that have nothing to do with other people: Rain, storms, lightning, warm breezes, cool breezes, STRONG WINDS, the moon, the stars, beaches, the oceans, rivers, puddles, teensy tiny droplets of dew, sunrises, sunsets, the way the light changes mood and the way shadows play a huge role in our lives even though we don’t even realize it. My human body, how amazing it is and how fragile it is and how it changes over time.
I have diagnosed myself as being a DIY addict and now I will even psychoanalyze myself. It’s definitely NOT because I am a control freak. – I’m so easy going that I don’t complain when the day goes according to someone else’s whims EVEN WHEN I VERY MUCH WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD. I may get aggravated but I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone else with my aggravation. I’m pretty sure the REAL reason I do everything myself is because I don’t want to be helpless or vulnerable. I want to be able to take care of myself. I need to be capable of doing whatever it takes for whatever situation I find myself in. If my tire goes flat on a desolate stretch of highway at midnight, or if the thatched roof of my hut is crashed in by a heavy coconut palm while I am out on my raft during a thunderstorm I want to know that I will be able to push or pull and repair or rebuild. When technology doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do and my paycheck doesn’t get deposited on time or the light fixtures inexplicably fall from the kitchen ceiling I want to know that I won’t fall apart. I will be able to improvise if necessary and think on my feet. I want to know that I can rely on myself because I know it’s a gamble to rely on anyone else.
As an example of my extremes for those that don’t follow me: I recently needed to get 2 cars 7 miles by myself so I decided rather than wait until the next day when someone would be available to help me that I would do it myself. I drove one car half a mile and ran back to the other car and drove it a mile and ran back the half mile to the other car. It was a beautiful evening to see the world close up rather than zipping by in my car and also I was thankful that the reason I was hoofing it across town was because I had TOO MANY cars rather than no car. I have walked, skated, biked and jogged down those same streets because I didn’t have transportation so this was a better “problem” to have. I won’t say that my leap frog method was speedier or more efficient than having someone else drive one of the cars for me but the job was finished sooner and I didn’t have to inconvenience anyone other than myself. I don’t mind inconvenience. Life isn’t about convenience it’s about…well it’s about a lot.
On the flip side of doing everything myself I do understand that people occasionally need help. I think that most people’s first response is to ask someone else to help them rather than trying to figure out how to do something on their own. I almost never tell someone that I won’t or can’t help them even if it inconveniences me a great deal to do so. Since I have to REALLY want or need help to ask for it I always feel like the person asking me for help must really need me to help them. It seems very hard for me to ask anyone to inconvenience themselves for my sake so it makes sense that if they’re asking me then they must be out of options. I always say yes. I am a ‘yes’ person. Sometimes I wish I could become a ‘NO’ person but I can’t. Doing everything myself AND helping everyone that asks can be very exhausting but it let’s me live guilt free.
I won’t even get into how my need to give and receive intimate personal pleasure falls into my DIY addiction. That’s another post entirely
To help the young people reading this:
Worksheet: WHEN DO YOU ASK FOR HELP?
The following questions will help you think about why people ask for help or don’t ask for help.
1. Check the answer that most applies to you.
________ I always ask for help when I need it.
_________ I sometimes ask for help when I need it.
________ I rarely ask for help even when Ineed it.
2. We all have times when we do ask for help. When are you most likely to ask someone else for help? (Examples: at home, from a friend, when the task is new)
3. We all also have times when we just won’t ask for help. When are you most likely to avoid asking for help?
4. Rate the following questions as True or False.
_____ Asking for help in class makes you look needy or nerdy.
_____ Asking for help shows that you are thinking about what you are learning.
_____ Asking for help puts other students in an awkward position.
_____ Asking for help means that you trust the teacher to help you.
_____ Asking for help means you are the teacher’s favorite or a teacher’s “pet”.
5. What did you learn about yourself and how you ask for help? Is there anything you think you may want to change in how you ask or do not ask for help?
Not That Anyone Asked Me... 