Commodious

Read on a bathroom stall…

I’m nobody’s anything
except perhaps second string
certainly no one’s first choice
going days without hearing a voice
or using mine
which is fine
It’s all just white noise
so I wrote this on the bathroom stall
and snapped it with my phone
sober
because I’m no longer drinking alone.

~ Kiddo

commodious

adjective
com·mo·di·ous | \ kə-ˈmō-dē-əs \
1:comfortably or conveniently spacious :

ROOMY
as in a commodious closet
2:archaic: HANDY, SERVICEABLE

Kiddo: Roomy, HANDY, serviceable 🙂

Kiddos Tip: When ‘commodious’ is used to describe a bathroom it could be confusing…do it anyway.

Discarded or free to be?

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My initial thought when I saw this doughnut discarded in the bushes was that it was sad and lonely. It had done it’s best to be appealing all decked out with chocolate and sprinkles and was yet rejected. Someone had tried it and tossed it away. Then I realized that Kiddo was projecting. Sure this doughnut was not living the purpose for which it was originally intended but it was living a life that most of it’s kind would never get to experience. It had been scarred but now had the opportunity to bask in the sunlight amongst the bushes rather than be immediately consumed. Sprinkles had been given the chance to remain as the sun went down and there’s really no telling what would become of it now. Maybe a raccoon would make a tastey meal of it or perhaps a colony of ants would carry it away one crumb at a time. Either way it had been kissed by the elements and nothing could ever take that away. The fate of Sprinkles was in the hands of Unis now.

Accidental Insult?

This young chick stopped me near Publix to ask me about my Kangoos that I was running in. She had a bag with bakery cookies in it. I had sweat dripping off my nose. Just before I continued on my path through hell she said “My body has a mind of it’s own” and I said “yeah, mine too. It’s called a brain” she kind of giggled but when I had almost made it home I realized she may’ve thought I was insulting her. Idk. Oh well

Wrong door…

Can you believe that I just walked into the wrong apartment? Looking down at my sky map, I glanced at the door handle as I turned it, stepped across the threshold and shut the door behind me and just stood there stunned to be in a small dark space. My eyes slo-mo movie-style focused on a laundry basket on the floor to my right and a cardboard box to my left. Next I noticed a carpeted stairs 2 steps in front of me that was dimly lit from the top. At the top of the stairs was a fluffy cat frozen midstep staring at me with it’s mouth hanging open. I could hear a strange t.v. show and realized that I was either straight trippin’ OR standing in someone else’s home. The cat glances over it’s shoulder toward the softly lit apartment, I glance over my shoulder to the door….the cat sees it’s owner walking toward the sound of the intruder… I see the door handle slo-mo turning in my hand. The cat voices a tattle meow as I step past the EXTREMELY loud squealing door and quick-but-quietly close the door and casual-fast hustle a few doors down to my door through which I quiet-quickly enter through. Surreals ya’ll

Beautiful night tonight…

I took my phone with me on my jog tonight and was so glad that I did when I noticed a sunset cloud flowing like the creek below. It’s as if the sky is reflecting the water for a change. Venus peeks through the clouds lingering in hopes of glimpsing Jupiter across the sky dancing with the rising moon but alas the couple will not take to the celestial floor until Venus has dozed off below the horizon.

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Text aloud…

I would really like to thank whoever invented texting. Now we can communicate with people all over the
world without the people in our vicinity overhearing, reacting, being appalled or getting offended. Nowadays whenever in public, at work, or at dinner with the in-laws we can politely smile and nod and have verbal conversations while we’re engaged in text conversations that are bizarre or naughty or just totally irrelevant to anything that’s going on around us. Having incoming texts from multiple people adds randomness and variety to our daily lives and we all know that ‘variety is the spice of life’.

Imagine this phone conversation before texting was created:

  Text participant 1: In a Dr. office waiting room
  Text participant 2: In check out line at Publix Supermarket.

Participant 1: Lady next to me is eating cheerios out of a zip lock bag by the handfuls and keeps spilling them everywhere
Participant 2: Sure she’s not a BIG BABY?
Participant 1: Well now she’s cleaning herself w/a babywipe so you might be right.
Participant 2: U can’t make this sh*t up! Nobody would believe it was even possible!
Participant 1: Now she’s telling me why she has cheerios in her purse…do I
f*cking care?
Participant 2: So why does she? Diabetic? Gorger? hoarder? Giant Baby!? TELLLLL MEEE!
Participant 1: She said she is trying to stay healthy
Participant 2: BORING. I guess she’s got a point about being healthy but why eat gobs that you can’t hold in your hand and make a mess?! Go on ask her….enquiring minds wanna know
Participant 1: Can’t I’m in the room now waiting for the doc.
Participant 2: Fine…Sonovabitch! This lady in front of me has 52 thousand coupons in the EXPRESS lane! And it looks like she’s gonna write a monkey fluffin’ CHECK! L8R, enjoy the doc Hott Stuff

See! This was an actual text conversation.  Notice that at the beginning of this excerpt there’s no mention to each other about where they are or what they’re doing. With some people there’s just a textual running commentary and we don’t even know where they’re at. Sometimes they make references to their surroundings that they couldn’t make during a verbal conversation. I think I should create a book titled “Imagine These Texts Aloud”

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In the liquor store…

I had already selected my purchase in the liquor store when Abba’s FERNANDO came on. How could I leave? I hummed softly to myself resisting the urge to sing.  The song was about to enter the first chorus and I was losing the fight. How could I not dance down the beautiful aisles singing every word? “There was something in the air that night, the moon was bright Fernando”  How could people not assume I was already drunk? I adore spontaneous fits of dorkdom.  I had to prove I was sober when another customer entered the store and began asking me a bunch of questions about liquor and distillation (apparently I looked like I know my booze. His assumption wasn’t wrong) . The man asked about the cheapest vodka in the store and I took him straight to it but he said he wanted a smaller bottle and I said “come on! It never goes bad!” And he said “I could drink on a bottle that size a LONG time and I said “yeah, I tell myself the same thing” then he asked “skittle fop may?” And I was just stumped on that one. His next question was if I worked at the liquor store and the clerk that had been watching and listening to our exchange called “she should!” and she and I laughed. The guy left without buying anything and the clerk said “well I guess you answered all of his questions” and I said “not that one question “skittle fop may?’ Apparently I just had another conversation with a crazy person without realizing it until halfway through the conversation which has been happening a lot lately” and she said “either you’re very nice or crazy too” and I said ” nice AND crazy – means I get along with everyone”