If you want to read the short version:
I was alive. I got married. I was left. I died. I was reborn. I live.

If you actually want to read the long version:

The End
The day that I would’ve bet my life would never arrive came anyway. I guess in a way I did bet my life. That impossible day was the legal end of what I believed with my whole heart was the greatest love story ever lived. Turned out the story was a tragedy. I lost my husband and ‘best friend forever’ simultaneously.

    I’m sure there were a few people who were relieved that the day was finally upon us so that I would quit harping on it (ironic since I was once again to be a Harper but I’m sure I will find another subject to harp on) and we could all just get on with our lives and enjoy the holidays. I am not a drama queen and actually didn’t go on and on about my personal problems but I know the tension others feel when faced with any friends life upheaval.
The morning of the hearing a Tammy Wynette song kept playing in my head (I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out for you ;} ) Another song, Will You Marry Me? by Jason Derulo, came on while I was driving home from work but I didn’t change the radio because I was already crying. I started crying at work at least 4 times that night as I plodded my way through third shift. Anyone staying at the Marriott or Oceana Palms in the next few days would definitely have my tears on their towels and washcloths. I tried to keep the snot off the linens but I can’t make any promises. I’m sure the Spanish speaking ladies were thinking “man those blue and white towels really get to Chetty”

   When my sons first offered to go with me to the courthouse I was against it and told them that they probably didn’t really want to. I told them “Mamma is gonna be a MESS”, but now I’m glad they insisted that they wanted to be there to support me. I’m truly blessed. They decided to dress in black/dark colors because they wanted to dress as if they were attending a funeral. It’s a momentous day in their lives too. I adore my children.

   The man-child that left me asked if he could come get dressed at my house to go divorce me. I declined his request and told him to get dressed at one of his girlfriend’s houses or one of his new friends that he said would do anything for him. I figured he would also want to ride with me to the courthouse but I’m not driving anyone to divorce me. Today is hard enough already. When he first left me I cried for weeks then thought I was over it until six weeks later when I started filling out the paperwork and I was crying on the legal documents. Two months after he left me I filed the divorce papers at the courthouse and that really tore me apart. I thought I was over it again but the final hearing took me right back into shock and full on broken-heartedness. I’m sure our wedding anniversary will also be hard for me.

    Life as a single woman/mother at 40 had challenges that I thought I would never face but I knew that I have always been good at challenges. I did my own paperwork and filing so I was a little nervous that at the hearing some technicality would arise and keep the divorce from becoming final. I honestly couldn’t wait for it to be over.

    Days before our divorce court date the boys told me that after the proceedings they wanted the three of us to go have lunch and do something fun together. I couldn’t tell them no even though I really needed sleep to get me thru the next two days of my busy schedule working the graveyard shift at an industrial laundry and teaching yoga and group fitness classes in the mornings and evenings. I got off from work about 6:00a.m. and went home and showered and dressed for court. The boys and I drove to the courthouse without much conversation. I told them again that they did not need to go in and watch their parents get divorced but they insisted that they wanted to sit next to me until my case was called and then walk out with me afterward.
We survived. I stood in front of the judge and cried as I answered the questions but that’s appropriate I guess because almost 18 years before I stood in front of a judge and cried as I answered those questions too. Different questions and different tears and nobody smiling at how adorable my tears were. I must say that the judge was very kind as I tried to answer the questions with tears streaming down my face. He asked the bailiff to get me a tissue but there were none. I was handed a brown scratchy paper towel like from elementary school. The bailiff apologized and said no one usually needs a tissue anymore. How sad is that?
I’m so happy my kids were there to hold me. I’m a very fortunate person to have so many beautiful people in my life. I couldn’t have asked for a better divorce day and I have many people to thank for that. I loved and appreciated everyone’s support, positive energy and prayers. I loved that there was beauty to be found amidst despair. I was thankful that I would get to have the holidays and start the new year with all of this behind me. I’m thankful for my sons for showing more strength and character than I could imagine. My sons amaze me daily.

   I’m thankful that I had a lot of people supporting me and I appreciated it at the time more than words can say (and I’ve proven words can say a LOT! :] ) I let all of my friends and acquaintances on social media know that “D Day” had arrived and posted “If you’re so inclined send vibes/prayers of strength for me today. The hearing is at 2:15.”
Isn’t it amazing how social media has just become a part of our lives? We use social media for more than funny photos and sharing other people’s posts. We use it for more than selfies and posting photos of our meals. I was so thankful that I could keep everyone informed with posts rather than having to speak to everyone on the phone. I did talk on the phone to a few of my really close friends and family members but a lot of crying was involved so the internet was just easier for everyone. Throughout my entire ordeal I was able to keep everyone updated and even read public replies in privacy and feel connected and bolstered throughout every stage of my new comdramedy life. Even as I was shattered beyond repair I was held loosely together by the positive comments and energy that people were sharing with me. I know I am not the only person to have ever been left. Divorce is nothing new. I had been hurt before and I am sure that I will be again but at the end of a twenty one year relationship it felt like no one had ever been hurt as deeply as me. I know as a mother that there are worse things than being left by a spouse and if given a choice between other tragedies and this I would gladly choose this one again.  Even a year later the pain of being abandoned by the one person that I stuck by through the wonderful beautiful days and the horrible awful times is present daily. I’m sure the pain will always be there but I haven’t fallen to the ground sobbing too hard to hold myself up in over a year. The pain is no longer so big that it’s literally suffocating. There were many many days that I felt I would never make it. I didn’t make a scene or cry out for help. I knew my friends were there if I needed to talk or cry but I chose not to burden them further. They had already helped me through all of my darkest days and that strengthened me through-out the months of finding my way. I didn’t have time to wallow. For the first time in almost two decades I needed a job. I needed to support myself and my sons. My sons are the reason I get up every single day and take care of business. I allowed myself time to fall apart between working, teaching and being a mother. I wailed and bawled but never let it interfere with my responsibilities.

  I survived. I surmounted. I fell completely apart several times but I had people around me to help me to pick myself back up. There’s a very distinct difference between picking someone up and giving them the support needed to pick themselves up. It’s been a year since the divorce and eighteen months since the love of my life walked out on me.  I am light and love and pure joy. The true me is thrilled with the beauty of life. I’m in a groove and I don’t mean the rut kinda groove. I’m moving forward. I’ve got this.
The Beginning…..