I really want someone to know me completely and yet love me so wholeheartedly that even though they don’t love every little thing about me they still choose me over and over again.
#Heywaitaminutethismovieisnthilarious
Off track…
I’m sooo good when I’m good and soooo bad when I’m bad. I was good for two decades. Then the shit hit the fan and I went off track. Now I’m the engineer of Kiddo’s Wild Ride with no direction and no apparent destination ~ Kiddo’s Exhausted Korner
Supermoon Eclipse
1.Waves don’t play games. 3. Waves will fuck you every chance they get. PERFECT RELATIONSHIP …Ditto for clouds #youcanfigureout2yourdamnself ~ Kiddo’s Kloudy Korner
All about timing
Today my virtual relationship with the Dr. I have met online reached the critical “Set The 1st Actual Meeting” stage. I have never pursued a relationship like this but I am sure that in this day and age of online dating many of you are familiar with it. I had been looking forward to the invite for the face to face get together until I recently lost my job. If I had known that unemployment was imminent I would never have posted my 1st dating profile to begin with. I wonder if my feelings would be different if I were in the market for a man to date but I think not considering that I do not ever wish to appear to be a gold digger. I’m sure that there are plenty of single mothers out there looking for someone to support them and their children but I will do my best to never be mistaken for one of those. I’ll take care of my own life thank you very much. I would like to find someone that can provide everything EXCEPT financial support for me because that’s just the way I am. For better or for worse, my responsibilities are my own.
This afternoon while I was online submitting applications to every single available nearby job I could find I recieved a message from the good doctor. After a month of correspondence the doctor wanted to know when I could get together for lunch or for dinner. I responded with as much tact as I could because I realllly didn’t want her to think that I was just blowing her off but I had to let her know that currently I am an unemployed, single, middle-aged mother and couldn’t pay my own way during a lunch or dinner date and wasn’t inclined to allow a new acquaintance to foot my bill. Ughhhh, sometimes I’m too honest but I’d feel better about spending my life alone than ever for one minute decieving anyone even by omission. I’m currently a loser when it comes to dating if only in the sense that if I had a close friend that was involved in a virtual relationship tell me that the person they were interested in seeing face to face was an unemployed middle-aged single parent with an online dating account I would tell them to run. It’s only fair for me to give the good Dr. the same advice. I told her that I was recently unemployed without notice or severance pay because the owner of the company had a friend that needed a job and that I couldn’t pursue a “dating relationship” until my situation was straightened out. I have yet to receive a response. Damn the timing but it is what it is.
Intense situation…
So many situations we find ourselves in these days wouldn’t have been possible not too long ago. Thanks to modern gizmos ‘n’ gadgets I found myself in a pretty surreal situation today. Apparently my phone screen is more difficult to replace than any phone screen in the history of the universe so nearly a month after I paid for my replacement screen I found myself BACK at the Mr. Phone Fixit shop for the third time. Anticipating that I might have to leave my cracked phone at the shop I had brought along my older phone to be used if necessary. After having participated in cheerful chit chat with the other anxious parents in the waiting area I powered on my old device. Even in a waiting area in a phone repair shop it seems odd to just continue to sit in such close proximity to other weird wired people without my electronic sheild in hand. I noticed straight away that I was getting a ton of notifications and that many of them were voicemails that hadn’t been listened to. That wasn’t a big surprise because I very rarely listen to messages. I have fewer unlistened to messages on my new phone because people finally stopped recording them. So without even a premonitory pause I decided to listen for a bit to pass the time. BIG MISTAKE. A deliciously happy, excited loving voicemail from a year ago changed me from being a cheerful stranger in a hopeful waiting area to a shattered person sitting perfectly still so that my pieces wouldn’t scatter all over the place while trying to force my lungs to function. It was very surreal. Sounds around me were muted and it felt like someone had stabbed a GIGANTIC ice sword through my gut. My vision was fading around the edges and I felt like everyone in the room were awaiting my reaction so I had none. I kept all of my reacting on the inside where it belongs.
~Kiddo
Life is beautiful…
My eldest child made it home despite the storm. My youngest helped me get my new elliptical into the apartment. We all ate dinner together as we watched Saint Vincent. I used my elliptical for half an hour (“thinking I’m BACK baby!” but we’ll see)…I don’t have to get up early to take my oldest to church for the 1st time in YEARS and tomorrow we’re all going to the fair with friends and my boy’s girlfriend. The fairgrounds are soggy due to the flash flood today but I’m still excited. I’m going to the fair as part of my birthday celebration and I couldn’t be happier right now. I love spending time with my sons more than anything else I get to do. We’re staying up late tonight and hopefully sleeping in tomorrow. Life is beautiful right now and right now is all any of us have. (Except tomorrow we have the fair 🙂 )
