#mytruth

Self-diagnosed & self-medicating DIY addict

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

    Hello my name is Kiddo and I am addicted to doing it myself. No matter what it is. So I have diagnosed myself and I do self medicate for being a DIY addict. With my busy schedule I rarely do crafts and I never get a chance to build anything with my hands anymore or even rearrange my furniture so I am not referring to those types of DIY projects. I live my life by doing ALMOST everything myself. It’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing it’s just the way I am. There are advantages and disadvantages to being self-reliant.

     As a self-reliant person I save time by not waiting for other people to do simple chores like mowing the lawn, straightening up the house, unclogging drains, repairing leaky pipes, emptying the trash bins, cooking, laundry etc. Whenever I do ask someone else do these minor tasks for me I end up doing them anyway because I don’t like waiting. Maybe in this case I am just impatient. I don’t complain that the other person didn’t move fast enough I just decide to go ahead and do it myself. Sometimes the other person says “Hey! I was going to do that” and I say “I know, it’s okay I got it”. Usually I just don’t ask because I know that I won’t wait.

     As a person that believes that each able bodied person should be capable if necessary of making changes in their lives for the sake of their own happiness I’ve never felt the need to use props, programs,medications or substitutes to quit smoking or drinking. I stopped each several times and know that I can again if I want to. I just have to want to enough to struggle through it on my own. I am also good at justifying my bad habits…as long as I’m practicing my Everything in Moderation theme then I should be okay. If I end up not okay it’s still okay because eventually we’ll all be equally okay.

      I don’t ask many questions. If I need to know something my first response isn’t asking someone else it’s seeking the knowledge myself. There’s so much information out there that I can find it usually quite easily and sometimes even multiple contradicting answers to the same question. Then I just have to figure out what I believe to be most likely. If I need to get somewhere and Google Maps is wrong I will figure it out on my own. Rather than asking others to tell me from their experience what will happen if I do this or that I like to learn as I go. The same holds true for my faith in the universe and what happens after we die. I like to hear other people’s opinion but it doesn’t really change what I think and feel about the biggest questions we have as humans. I almost never ask for forgiveness from people. I will admit to it when I do something wrong whether intentionally or by accident. If they forgive me then fine but if they don’t that’s fine too. Forgiveness I only require from myself. Each person should forgive others if they’re holding something against them because it’s just a better way to live but I don’t require others to forgive me. There are things that I’ve done that I will never forgive myself for but I do move on and continue my go with the flow lifestyle

      In the kitchen I also just do it however I feel like doing it. I don’t use recipes and I never even measure so each of my dishes is always a once in a lifetime event. I just figure I know the basics and the principals of how cooking works so I’ve never felt the need for recipes. I do enjoy reading recipe books sometimes but it’s like window shopping.

     When it comes to inspiration and motivation I don’t look to others to do it for me. I inspire and motivate myself. Of course I have only myself to blame for not meeting my goals. When I exercise I know that not one other person on the planet gives a shit if I run or not. Nobody cares or even notices if I gain five pounds or if I lose the triceps and abs that I worked so hard for. I exercise only for myself. When my alarm goes off in the morning I just get up and go to work. No one has to keep waking me up or remind me that if I don’t hurry  I will be late. It’s amazing that there are so many adults that can’t get themselves up everyday. Basic life skills shouldn’t be as hard as some people seem to make them. I am inspired by the world around me and the amazing people I know personally and by those I hear about or read about but if I found no other person’s life or struggle or their empowerment inspirational I would still be inspired.

     A few of the things that inspire me that have nothing to do with other people: Rain, storms, lightning,  warm breezes, cool breezes, STRONG WINDS, the moon, the stars, beaches, the oceans, rivers, puddles, teensy tiny droplets of dew, sunrises, sunsets, the way the light changes mood and the way shadows play a huge role in our lives even though we don’t even realize it. My human body, how amazing it is and how fragile it is and how it changes over time.

    I have diagnosed myself as being a DIY addict and now I will even psychoanalyze myself. It’s definitely NOT because I am a control freak. – I’m so easy going that I don’t complain when the day goes according to someone else’s whims EVEN WHEN I VERY MUCH WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD. I may get aggravated but I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone else with my aggravation. I’m pretty sure the REAL reason I do everything myself is because I don’t want to be helpless or vulnerable. I want to be able to take care of myself. I need to be capable of doing whatever it takes for whatever situation I find myself in. If my tire goes flat on a desolate stretch of highway at midnight, or if the thatched roof of my hut is crashed in by a heavy coconut palm while I am out on my raft during a thunderstorm I want to know that I will be able to push or pull and repair or rebuild. When technology doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do and my paycheck doesn’t get deposited on time or the light fixtures inexplicably fall from the kitchen ceiling I want to know that I won’t fall apart. I will be able to improvise if necessary and think on my feet. I want to know that I can rely on myself because I know it’s a gamble to rely on anyone else. 

  As an example of my extremes for those that don’t follow me: I recently needed to get 2 cars 7 miles by myself so I decided rather than wait until the next day when someone would be available to help me that I would do it myself. I drove one car half a mile and ran back to the other car and drove it a mile and ran back the half mile to the other car. It was a beautiful evening to see the world close up rather than zipping by in my car and also I was thankful that the reason I was hoofing it across town was because I had TOO MANY cars rather than no car. I have walked, skated, biked and jogged down those same streets because I didn’t have transportation so this was a better “problem” to have. I won’t say that my leap frog method was speedier or more efficient than having someone else drive one of the cars for me but the job was finished sooner and I didn’t have to inconvenience anyone other than myself. I don’t mind inconvenience. Life isn’t about convenience it’s about…well it’s about a lot.

     On the flip side of doing everything myself I do understand that people occasionally need help. I think that most people’s first response is to ask someone else to help them rather than trying to figure out how to do something on their own.  I almost never tell someone that I won’t or can’t help them even if it inconveniences me a great deal to do so. Since I have to REALLY want or need help to ask for it I always feel like the person asking me for help must really need me to help them. It seems very hard for me to ask anyone to inconvenience themselves for my sake so it makes sense that if they’re asking me then they must be out of options. I always say yes. I am a ‘yes’ person. Sometimes I wish I could become a ‘NO’ person but I can’t. Doing everything myself AND helping everyone that asks can be very exhausting but it let’s me live guilt free.

I won’t even get into how my need to give and receive intimate personal pleasure falls into my DIY addiction. That’s another post entirely

 To help the young people reading this:

Worksheet: WHEN DO YOU ASK FOR HELP?

The following questions will help you think about why people ask for help or don’t ask for help.

1. Check the answer that most applies to you.

________ I always ask for help when I need it.

_________ I sometimes ask for help when I need it.

________ I rarely ask for help even when Ineed it.

2. We all have times when we do ask for help. When are you most likely to ask someone else for help? (Examples: at home, from a friend, when the task is new)

3. We all also have times when we just won’t ask for help. When are you most likely to avoid asking for help?

4. Rate the following questions as True or False.

_____ Asking for help in class makes you look needy or nerdy.

_____ Asking for help shows that you are thinking about what you are learning.

_____ Asking for help puts other students in an awkward position.

_____ Asking for help means that you trust the teacher to help you.

_____ Asking for help means you are the teacher’s favorite or a teacher’s “pet”.

5. What did you learn about yourself and how you ask for help? Is there anything you think you may want to change in how you ask or do not ask for help?

Not 100%

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

I always feel like I am not 100% here. When I was a kid I developed a top layer which allows me to interact, but in my basic self I am very aloof and cautious. It’s like I am watching a play in which I am acting and I try to behave the way one is supposed to behave when they are interacting with normal people.  I try to be normal or funny but it is always to some degree faked. By ‘normal’ I don’t mean like an average person – I mean acting like nothing is wrong. I have spent the majority of my life disconnected because I can’t remember a time when my connections with people didn’t turn bad and sometimes very bad and even though the bad was never EVER mentioned later it was always there even when I was alone.

            I used to wait for the magic moment when I would be part of the world again.

When I was very young I had some inappropriate things done to me. Unfortunately this is not uncommon. As a three year old you can get a sense that things aren’t right but you can still be persuaded to do things and go along with things with a little reassurance or bribing or bullying. I grew up with a large family. I had thirteen cousins living in the same town and we saw each other all of the time. All of the aunts and uncles seemed like parents to all of us. I had older cousins that were like big brothers and sisters and they treated us all great for the most part. They watched over us at school and in the neighborhoods and let us play softball or football with the big kids. Sometimes, though, they would make fun of me for my ears or throw me in a deep lake or river and yell that an alligator was coming to eat me. Whenever someone that I loved was mean to me or teased me I would feel betrayed and crushed. I cried very easily when someone I loved mistreated me even though I was very tough physically. Having so many older cousins actually made me tougher. If other people were mean to me or teased me I never cried. I was known in elementary school for putting bullies in their place. I never let anyone at school see me scared or see me cry.

I had a few cousins that were just a year to three years older than me and we got along and fought like most cousins but these cousins that were barely older than me had me participate in activities that they must’ve learned from adults. I don’t know if they had been molested or had watched movies or seen magazines but the fact is that for years there was sort of a “secret club” that I was expected to participate in. If I didn’t want to or started to cry I would be made fun of and threatened to be “told on” for things I had been talked into doing before.  I got the reputation of being a “cry baby” when I was three. I was very emotional and easily hurt or scared. Even the adults knew me as a cry baby. I don’t know if children between five and seven know how to make someone an unreliable witness but I was considered to be a baby about being made fun of and a scaredy cat. I never knew if anyone would believe me if I told what was going on. I also feared getting into trouble for being a participant. When I was seven years old I said I wasn’t going to be in that stupid club anymore even if I got in trouble. I would rather be punished for something I didn’t want to do than to be punished by continuing to do things I didn’t want to do. I stopped being a cry baby and pretended to not be afraid of the dark but people still treated me as if I were my past weaknesses. Then when I pretended that the negative opinions of family members didn’t bother me at all some of my cousins and my siblings  began to ridicule and belittle me. I was a very athletic child, especially for a girl and could run faster, climb higher, score more points and even out wrestle my older cousins. My cousins and siblings made fun of me and called me cry baby and scaredy cat despite my accomplishments and since they knew about my earlier weaknesses and all of the award givers only knew about the fake me, (the pretend like everything is normal me) then I felt that they must be right.

Even as I got older and hardened my protective shell my family members knew how to push my buttons.

It took a lot more to get me to cry but my family members knew my weaknesses and they would put a lot of effort into breaking me. Sometimes I would last so long that I thought they’d give up but they were persistent and knew eventually I would be a blubbering mess.  Even worse than anything physical was the emotional abuse. Occasionally at dinner my dad would say “all you have to do is look at her sideways and she’ll cry” and I knew that I was not going to get to enjoy my meal. Somehow it became a game to make me cry. My dad would point at me and laugh just to make me cry. If my brother and sister didn’t help him make me cry by also pointing and laughing they would get in trouble. My mom never participated but she never made them stop. I think if she tried then it would’ve only made things worse. Once when I was about twelve and it hadn’t happened in a long time and I had started to really think my family had grown out of laughing at me it happened one last time. I sat there and took it. My siblings seemed very reluctant to do as my dad said but eventually they were made to laugh and point at me. I took it for a long time but when I felt the tears burning my eyes and clogging the back of my throat I got up and went to my room. My dad yelled for me to get back to the table because I hadn’t been excused. I had never left the table without asking to be excused. My dad came into my room and made me go back to the table and insisted I eat even though I was likely to choke as I sobbed at the table. No one said anything until I was finished and I asked to please be excused. Thankfully that particular game was never played again. No one ever mentions it either.

I know I may have some problems and behaviors because of the things that were done to me emotionally but also I have issues that have their root in the inappropriate things that were done to me physically. I was very young and so were the boys in the secret club so really I don’t hold them entirely responsible for their behavior. Only one time when we were older did one of them even mention it. I was about thirteen and spending the night at my cousins house which was a usual thing when my fifteen year old cousin said “Hey, remember when we used to….” and made a motion with his hands that we used to use to signify what we did. I said ” I don’t know what you’re referring to” and he said “you want to do it right now?” and I pretended like I didn’t hear him as I continued on my way to the bathroom. I locked the door and I was so scared because I thought he might try to force his way into the bathroom but even more so because it meant that all of those memories were TRUE. I had tried to bury them and had started to believe that none of it had actually happened. I was afraid he would bring it up again when I passed back by to go to bed. I was afraid he would try to force me to do something and that I would have to scream and awaken the entire house and everyone might find out about what I participated in from three to seven years of age. I sat in the bathroom trembling and crying for so long that when I went back out he was not in the living room anymore. I laid in bed all night trembling and nauseous because of all of the things that began floating to the surface of my peaceful facade like cadavers breaking free from roots they’ve been entangled in surfacing in still waters. Still waters run deep.

One of the things that bothers me the most is that even if I could forget about all the bad in my past that I did NOT bring on myself there would still be those people that know what they did.

They can think about it anytime they want to. I wish ignoring it would make it go away completely. I wish that certain people could know what their precious angels did to a genuinely GOOD person (without them knowing it had anything to do with me.) I am a good person, I actually am a naturally good person even though being mean could be so easy after being taught so well by being tortured by others from an early age. I suppose most of them were too young to actually know how much they were destroying in me.  Even when the physical acts stopped they would hatefully make fun of me and I was known by then to be a crybaby so they got away with it for years. Most of the time I just played along like it was all just fun and games. After I was grown and put in a situation where I had to spend time with the same people that treated me inappropriately they just acted like nothing ever happened and we were just one big happy family.

No matter what is going on I always feel like two people. The one that I would’ve been if things had gone right and the fucked up one that I actually am no matter how good I am at pretending. They are both just as real and have different emotions and different thoughts and ideas. Whichever one I am being at any particular time the other one is in the background with opinions and judgments of how I am behaving. It’s like I am actually a third person who is a combo of the other 2 just faking like they are ‘normal’ the whole time. I wish I could’ve been who I was meant to be. I have occasionally been able to convince myself that I am GROWN and miles away from any of them and then something would happen and it all comes flooding back and I am helpless and three years old. A couple of times I have found out about others that the same people messed up in the same way and I feel guilty about not saying anything before because maybe I could’ve kept it from happening to them. Then I see how they are called liars and whores and I am so glad I never told.

When I ignore the past for a long time it all comes out in anxiety symptoms. I never believed in actual panic attacks until I started having them myself. At first I just thought I was having heart attacks or strokes and wouldn’t believe the doctors who claimed they were attacks caused by anxiety. I definitely had anxiety and after a few years got to the point where I was over the panic attacks and so happy that I ignored the doctors that said I would need medication to cope. I recovered by starting my yoga practice and intentionally forgiving anything that was ever done to me. I forgave myself. Sometimes I have to REFORGIVE myself.

I want to be my true self but have no idea what that could’ve been. I was with the same man for almost twenty years and he never knew everything that I didn’t talk about from my childhood. He knew of some of the stuff but no one will ever know about everything I went through. But I am GROWN now and should just get over it. I try to let it all go. I make the decision to not let the past effect me and I know I have control and I should make myself better than my tormenters by taking care of me. I have the power to make myself real but I am too afraid of being torn down to put myself out there. I will never have ONE true honest connection with anyone ever because I can’t share my truth and I can’t trust anyone to not be thinking horrible things about me and making fun of me while they pretend to be nice. People are experts at pretending. I honestly feel that no one can like me because if they do then they are liking the fake me…which isn’t me…and if they knew all of my parts that make the real me then they couldn’t like me and they would be revolted by me. People sometimes pretend to like someone so that  they can later talk about how ugly or disgusting or stupid they think they are. I’ve even occasionally done that when someone INSISTS on talking to me and they are annoying to me so how can I judge others when I am very good at ridiculing people too? We all have ugliness in us. We’ve all been treated poorly at some point in time and that fact is no excuse for behaving poorly ourselves. I would hate for the few people that I’ve joked about behind their back to hear the things I’ve laughed about. I would be humiliated and feel like such a heel. I would feel very bad but probably not as bad as they would feel if they knew. I usually treat people with respect and consideration and really have no excuse for the times that I don’t.

I am getting old so I at least should begin acting grown and forget my past and never talk bad about anyone again because who knows what each person has been through? It’s easy to ridicule the ridiculous but it doesn’t make me feel less ridiculous.

My favorite people…

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

People who are the favorite person of their favorite person are my favorite people. They’re just SO RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY that it’s hard not to love them. It must be amazing to live that way. I’ve had fleeting phases like that in my life and I think it would be fabulous to have that all of the time. To have a friend or relative that you’re just so close to that you know exactly what they’re thinking or what they’re about to do and they know you just as well. To have your person be the same person through decades and to experience lifes ups and downs and changes and tragedies with that true friend always a part of you has got to be the absolute best way to live. To have someone be your person through successes and failures and all the mundane shit in between is a privilege that not everyone has. I think it would be nice to be able to call or text one person no matter the time of day or night and just KNOW that you wouldn’t be disturbing them….and to find out that in fact they were just about to call or text you. Seems impossible beyond middle school to become someone’s person that doesn’t already have a person. Not that I am a jealous person but if wishes could come true just by wanting them to then I would have a lifelong bff of my own. I would do anything for them even if it meant driving off of a cliff together in a red convertible. I am very loyal and understanding and non judgemental and just know that someone somewhere must be missing out on the best possible friend that has EVER existed because they’re not friends with me.  I’m not being all sad and melodramatic like my birthdays of the recent past but I do notice that tomorrow I will be so far beyond middle school and still have no deep meaningful relationships other than with my children. I really don’t think that at my age I can expect ever to have a friend that truly knows me. Even if I met someone today they wouldn’t know me through my single phase, my married phase, my pregnant phase, my mommy phase, my chubby phase, my extremely fit yoga instructor phase, my divorcing phase, my single parent phase….they would just know me in my slightly chubby, end of middle age and beyond phase.The always exhausted phase is not fun to be around. In turn, I will have missed all of their phases that led their path to cross mine. My sense of humour has always drawn a few people to hang out with me for a couple of years but even that has been dimmed by my current daily schedule. For some reason I will never be anyone’s favorite person. Seems juvenile to even mention such a thing but it’s just a thought. Oh well, I might as well enjoy the last few hours of my youth without becoming morose. Cheers from me and my long time friend Jack Daniels!

Unis’s gauntlet…

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

    Sometimes the universe throws a gauntlet down right in front of me. I can turn around, go around or accept the challenge. Today I say

        ” Yo Unis, let’s do this”

    If you have any doubt the universe is female let me point out that anything so intricately organized yet totally random and ultra nourishing but can squash you in a wink must be female.

        “Hey Unis, next time you got me jumpin through hoops let’s do it on roller skates!”

You never have a reason to lie to me

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

     I love unconditionally. I don’t have very many rules or expectations for other people. Mostly, I don’t take other people’s actions personally. I do have a problem with deceitfulness. Honesty is one of the most important elements of any relationship because trust is so important. Honesty and trust are needed to have a good relationship with family members, friends and lovers. I am sure a lot of people have been conditioned to lie to avoid drama but there’s never a reason to lie to me. It’s hard to be in a relationship without respect. Lying to someone (even little white lies) undermines a relationship because when you tell someone a lie you start to respect them a little less each time and they become a fool to you. Sometimes people get away with lying. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people let someone get away with it rather than make it into a big deal because it’s easier but it causes a lessening in respect on both sides. Little lies can be just as destructive as big lies. I want to be able to trust everything someone that I know says to me because if not then I can’t 100% believe anything they say to me. I know that sometimes the truth hurts but the truth is reality and we have to learn to deal with it appropriately even when it hurts. I’d rather be hurt by honesty than believe in a lie.

    If you love someone and think that they told you a “white lie”  do you just let it go or do you say something to them?  I believe any lie is destructive in a relationship and I want the people in my life to know they can always be 100% honest with me. I like to clear things up right away when I think someone is being dishonest but sometimes people get defensive when I tell them I understand the urge to lie but want them to tell me the truth no matter what. I don’t want to make them feel like I am accusing them or judging them and starting some drama over nothing but I don’t want them to think they are deceiving me and I don’t want to think that they’re lying if they’re not. I never want to start drama. Would you want to know if someone doubted something you said so you could clear it up or would you rather they not say anything and keep believing you fibbed for no reason?

   I want to be able to say ” I love you so much and I am not trying to start anything but I hate thinking you lied to me and maybe you didn’t but I’d want you let me know if you had the slightest doubt about something I said to you. Maybe I am being too honest but I have to tell you that I don’t believe some of the details about something you told me last night. I don’t know why you would even throw those details into your story though. It didn’t bother me that much to start with but it’s bothering me more now because I can’t understand what I’ve done to make you think you should lie to me. If you didn’t make up some of the details as you were talking then I apologize. If you didn’t lie to me I would still rather you know what I’m thinking so we can clear the air. Even if it’s just my stupidity that needs to be cleared. I never ever want to hurt you or upset you or EVER make you mad at me. We haven’t been in this relationship long and I want you to know that if I never stressed it before: honesty and trust are probably the most important things to me in all relationships. I want you to know that you can be truthful with me. I won’t ask you to promise not to lie to me but I promise you that I won’t lie to you” but usually I don’t get passed the first sentence before it goes to shit.

Discover the lush, flourishing beauty of the Amazon…

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

“Discover the lush, flourishing beauty of the Amazon when you plunge into this rich lather with jojoba butter and crushed orchid extract. Feel it envelop your body like a botanical infused steam treatment” ~ Olay® luscious embrace™ Cleasning Bodywash

“For Hair So Healthy it SHINES” ~ Pantene®
Pro-V®

   I’m just soaking here in the tub reading my bottles and wondering which writer got paid more.

Screenshot_2014-12-27-14-15-04-1 (1)

Waxing Philosophical ( A lot of maybes)

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

The True You

Maybe you don’t take time to check in with the real you. Maybe you are distracted by the external but the internal is always there and is overflowing with joy/love. That joy/love is the truth of who you are. You are not your thoughts, emotions, physical self or your circumstances. This is great news for some people and not so great (at first) for others.
Some people have elevated opinions of themselves and their perfect body, high IQ scores, beautiful home, awesome car, all the right friends and a seemingly seamlessly choreographed home life. Some people have low opinions of themselves even though to others they seem to have it all together. Whether your circumstances seem wonderful or seem horrible to you or others you cheat yourself if you define yourself by them. The real you is perfect all of the time. The real you doesn’t judge at all. The real you doesn’t age. The real you doesn’t need gadgets and gizmos. The real you is pure.
Once you can accept who you really are and begin to live as your true self you can not be defeated. If you can’t seem to find the real you I will tell you that you already have at some point. Better yet the real you sometimes doesn’t wait for the surface you to check in. The real you will sometimes bubble up like a spring through the rocky ground and pour joy and a sense of well-being all over you. Anytime you get that overwhelming sense of LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL for apparently no reason at all that is you checking in with the distracted you. Usually when this happens we attribute it to something else. A beautiful sunset, a real hug from a loved one, watching our children sleep or even a fave song coming on while you are alone and can really JAM OUT. These things are not the cause of your joy, it’s just that the real you can’t stay hidden in the background when the rest of you is experiencing something marvelous. I think of it as singing along at a concert. The real you and the surface you will harmonize when you stop to notice how spectacular life can be. The real you will jump up and shout “YES!! This is what life is about!”
Perhaps you believe these happy feelings are naturally present BECAUSE you are enjoying yourself and this is true to a degree. There are things that bring us pleasure. They tap in to the true you. Things that you enjoy can nudge the true you awake. I am not describing a happy ‘feeling’ or ‘feeling’ of joy. Language doesn’t always do justice to truths. Sometimes philosophizing about immaterial things is like trying to describe a color or a taste to someone that has never experienced anything similar that they can compare it to. Sometimes it’s like trying to describe the way 9 tastes. What I am trying to describe is not the feeling of joy but JOY itself. At some point in your existence (even in difficult circumstances) you’ve probably gotten an overwhelming sense of amazement, comfort, peace, joy and serenity from what seems like out of nowhere and you just KNEW everything was alright. Many philosophies have many explanations for this experience. I say it’s the true you checking in.
Life force is bigger than your body and your brain and your life span. Maybe your traditions call you a spirit or even a soul. Maybe you believe you’re connected with the Divine. Maybe you think of the real you as the Divine. Then again, maybe you don’t believe you are more than you can conceive of with your own brain. Maybe you don’t believe in a divinity or a force greater than you. Maybe you believe that no one will ever figure out the exact truth of existence and that people who claim to have figured it out only figured out their own truth but that it doesn’t apply to you. Maybe for you it’s nothingness before you were born and nothingness when you’re gone. Maybe you’re elated or terrified by what you THINK exists for you beyond your lifespan. Whatever you call your true self doesn’t change anything. You don’t have to name the breath to experience it….in fact you don’t even have to believe that breath exists but it will still flow through you.

I took this photo of the moon using my phone and my small telescope.

I took this photo of the moon using my phone and my small telescope.

Lightning strike

Lightning strike

Rainbow on the way home

Rainbow on the way home

Fountain & sunset - combining two of my favorite things :)

Fountain & sunset – combining two of my favorite things 🙂

Lighthouse & sunrise - combining two of my favorite things :) ....the lighthouse still shining even though it can't outshine the sun ( which isn't it's job in the 1st place)

Lighthouse & sunrise – combining two of my favorite things 🙂 ….the lighthouse still shining even though it can’t outshine the sun ( which isn’t it’s job in the 1st place)

Beautiful day at the beach...water, cluds, sky all perfect

Beautiful day at the beach…water, clouds, sky all perfect

Screenshot_2014-12-16-09-31-06-1Screenshot_2014-12-16-09-45-57-1Screenshot_2014-12-16-09-32-20-1

Screenshot_2014-12-16-09-32-53-1Screenshot_2014-12-16-09-30-04-1Screenshot_2014-12-16-09-29-47-1

If you can't tell I LOVE sunrises and sunsets.

If you can’t tell I LOVE sunrises and sunsets.

I LOVE clouds and stormy days too. Storms are powerful and beautiful.

I LOVE clouds and stormy days too. Storms are powerful and beautiful.

Screenshot_2014-12-16-11-26-10-1 Screenshot_2014-12-16-11-26-40-1 Screenshot_2014-12-16-11-27-43-1 Screenshot_2014-12-16-11-29-01-1 Screenshot_2014-12-16-11-30-23-1

I’m Kiddo and this is my Korner

Kiddo's Korner 24/7 Leave a comment

 

323771_318467998173982_1245870064_oNot that anyone asked me….
      I’m Kiddo and this is my Korner. Alternate titles for my site title: Kiddo’s Korner, Spinach in your Mamma’s Smile, Mutterings of a Mad Woman, Don’t Mention it, Never Argue with an Idiot , Lord Beer Me Strength, Random Thoughts, You Don’t Have to Thank Me, It’s What I Do & UNNECESSARY CAPITALIZATION.

I believe a sense of humor is the most important of the senses and feel that it’s my greatest tool for dealing with life’s issues.

Many people take most things waaaay too seriously!

    I enjoy laughing, relaxing, writing, reading, dancing in thunderstorms, taking too many photos of Earth, the sky, the ocean, people and creatures I come across as I wander through life. I enjoy actual conversation with like minded OR contrary individuals. Small talk is not only boring but redundant.

If you’re boring we can’t be friends. Or enemies.

    When a stranger asks how I am I usually answer “Great! How are you?” when they reply “Great? I wish I could say that” I say
“you can. Just say you’re great because when you stop to think about it you probably actually are” I certainly have problems like everyone else and sometimes they get me down. Sometimes I have to express my darker side just to get it out.

 For the most part I experience life’s ups and downs as a beautiful journey that I can not possibly predict from day to day let alone decade to decade.

     In today’s busy world we all need a place to relax and unwind.
My little Korner is my place where I can just be me with no labels to “identify” me or limit me. So much of life is about our roles as individuals: Adult, Parent, Spouse, Male, Female, Employee etc. and these roles are necessary. Roles aren’t a negative thing but they can cause us to sometimes forget who we actually are. Think back to when you were a child spinning around for no reason at all. Laughing just because it felt good to laugh. Noticing the world around you and wondering as you wander.

Sometimes we get caught up in life and forget to touch base with our true selves.

    In my life so far I have been self-conscious and insecure. I have been confident and proud. I have been scared and I have been brave. I have been scarred and healed. I have been lost and I have been found. I have been wrong and I have been right. I have had enough experiences to know that judging is preposterous. Judging oneself or others is non serving and leads to nothing useful. I know that we are all the same and that we are all very different. No one can walk in anyone else’s shoes and know for sure what they would do in similar circumstances. We can’t even walk in our own shoes and do the same thing every time even if the situation is exactly the same. The situation can never be exactly the same. Life is a state of flux. We change constantly so it’s hard to remain true to even ourselves. I go with the flow and try to live without expectation, judgment or regret.

I can not know what the future holds but I can accept it as it comes. I can accept me as I am.

Nobody is perfect but we are all perfect creatures and moment by moment we can choose to serve the light or the darkness.

Here I can just express my current self without a specific role to fill.
My Korner is:
~ A relaxed atmosphere where I never know what might happen next.
~ NO DRESS CODE
~ Meditation, half baked philosophical conversation, random observations and fits of the giggles are frequent occurrences
~ Rumination, supposing, philosophizing and self-analysis can occur without warning.
~ No topic taboo
~ bubbles and bubble wand are suggested accessories
~ spontaneous free style dancing almost NIGHTLY
~ Advice available upon request
~ NO underage drinking AKA: No wine before it’s time
~ Usually BYOB but occasionally I have been known to share
~ Drinking straight out of the bottle is not only NOT frowned upon but usually not even noticed.
~We don’t stand on ceremony cause life is phony in spite of it.

Scene from Dazed and Confused
Cynthia: God, don’t you ever feel like everything we do and everything we’ve been taught is just to service the future?
Tony: Yeah I know, like it’s all preparation.
Cynthia: Right. But what are we preparing ourselves for?
Mike: Death.
Tony: Life of the party.
Mike: It’s true.
Cynthia: You know, but that’s valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn’t we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I’d like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106677/quotes