#nonsense

Kiddo’s Vegan Rap

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So often I hear: “Table for one?” Because that is all they sees.

So I smile politely as I say: “Yes please.”

But really for two:
Me and the ghost of who I used to beees.

I order fake alfredo and that fake cheese.

Mixed with mushrooms, onions and those sweet peas.

Only two legged animals injured in the making of this meal.

(but not the chimpanzees)

Who would’ve thought it would take so many years to heal?

(being single like a disease.)

Whether it comes out wrong or it comes out right;

I eat it all, don’t lick the plate, I finish every bite.

Pay the bill and tip well then we drive home for the night.

Snuggle my ghost beneath the covers as I close my eyes.

Struggle with no needs of another
that’s my big prize.

“Peace”

*drops the mic

~ Kiddo

Extraordinarily Ordinary

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You know when you squirt the dish soap into the sink and seconds later you notice a PLETHORA of tiny magical bubbles floating all around you and you instantly feel like the hills are alive with the sound of music? (I guess to younger folks you’d feel like a Disney Princess). Well that happened to me this evening and nothing else that happened today matters. Excuse me while I sing with the woodland creatures that have inhabited my kitchen.

~KiDDṏ

 

Luna my Love

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I woke before 4a.m. and tried to sink back into sweet sweet sleep but I felt lonely and untouched so eventually I gave up. Feeling a tidal pull I went outside to commune with the brilliant waxing Beaver moon.

Luna felt my longing and let me know that she empathized easily with my situation because she too is old and alone and untouched by human flesh even though she waxes every month.

“Aha, so the conspiracy theorist are correct!” I thought but she replied “No, I have had visitors in the past but those space suits do not allow for physical intimacy.”

I felt that

I was feeling better about my own situations and thanked her as usual for her lunar inspirations and I lifted my face another moment to bathe in her light.

As I turned to prepare for my day I felt her say “Don’t worry my darling this is but a phase.”

I smiled at her phase turn of phrase. If anyone should know about that it is she.
~ Kiddo 11/11/2019

You can just see the dark edge – not quite full 🙂

Commodious

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Read on a bathroom stall…

I’m nobody’s anything
except perhaps second string
certainly no one’s first choice
going days without hearing a voice
or using mine
which is fine
It’s all just white noise
so I wrote this on the bathroom stall
and snapped it with my phone
sober
because I’m no longer drinking alone.

~ Kiddo

commodious

adjective
com·mo·di·ous | \ kə-ˈmō-dē-əs \
1:comfortably or conveniently spacious :

ROOMY
as in a commodious closet
2:archaic: HANDY, SERVICEABLE

Kiddo: Roomy, HANDY, serviceable 🙂

Kiddos Tip: When ‘commodious’ is used to describe a bathroom it could be confusing…do it anyway.

2018 is a Wrap!

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It is a good thing that I am a fighter when need be. Most of the days in 2018 were some sort of struggle for me. Most of the time I have had at LEAST one of the following: financial struggle, mental struggle, physical struggle, emotional struggle, mental struggle (I know I already wrote that but almost every struggle is a mental struggle). I struggle with my weight,I struggle with keeping my vehicle on the road and struggle with my health as well as my determination and drive. Being in my mid-forties and single is a recipe for struggle. But I know that a lot more deserving people than I did not even live to see 2018. I’m just happy to say that I have made it through another year on my own and you know what they say: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Unless it’s Rickets…Rickets leaves a person weaker forever. So I am very thankful that in 2018 I did not get Rickets and I send positive energy to those that did. ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! Happy New Year to everyone on the planet no matter your religion, your politics or your IQ.Thank Unis for alcohol! Cheers! Gesondheid! Gan Bei! Na zdravi! Proost! Santé! Prost! ΥΓΕΙΑ! Sláinte! Salute! 乾杯! (Kanpai!) 건배! į sveikatą! Noroc! Na zdrowie! Saúde! Будем здоровы/ На здоровье!Iechyd da!Sei gesund! Salud! Skål! (and don’t forget to look everyone in the eye)

Unis bless us…everyone!

Insane chances

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There’ve been exactly two people in my entire life to make me crazy. Chances of that actually happening even once are insane. I’m currently more sane than I’ve ever really been. Totally comfortable and relaxed with no anticipation frothing beneath my calm surface. There is a method to my madness like when people work out so that they can enjoy food.

Discarded or free to be?

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image

My initial thought when I saw this doughnut discarded in the bushes was that it was sad and lonely. It had done it’s best to be appealing all decked out with chocolate and sprinkles and was yet rejected. Someone had tried it and tossed it away. Then I realized that Kiddo was projecting. Sure this doughnut was not living the purpose for which it was originally intended but it was living a life that most of it’s kind would never get to experience. It had been scarred but now had the opportunity to bask in the sunlight amongst the bushes rather than be immediately consumed. Sprinkles had been given the chance to remain as the sun went down and there’s really no telling what would become of it now. Maybe a raccoon would make a tastey meal of it or perhaps a colony of ants would carry it away one crumb at a time. Either way it had been kissed by the elements and nothing could ever take that away. The fate of Sprinkles was in the hands of Unis now.

LOL Unis

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Lol Unis! I was in the shower and Pandora was playing and then the song changed and I sang along changing the “he’s” to “she’s” of course…

“Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
she’s a loser, but she still keeps on tryin’

Unlucky in love, least that’s what they say
She lost her head and she gambled her heart away
She still keeps searching though there’s nothing left
Staked her heart and lost, now she has to pay the cost”

..and then I said “yeah Beeyotch! Let me introduce myself” and laughed my carefree ‘I don’t give a damn’ laugh then shaved my legs even though no one will ever notice.
  
   I half expected Alone Again, Naturally to come on next but Unis dropped that ball

True stories…

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Through the steam I found myself flirting with my seductive shower head and it’s not even detachable

My left knee sports a big blue tender sex bruise while the bunion on my right foot pulses with a hot throbbing ache.

Random Wednesday Night in the Life of a Random Middle-aged Nympho involves a home hair dye kit and a bottle of wine from Publix.

A new bed

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The last couple of days I have really been wanting a new bed. Two summers ago when my husband left all I wanted to do was burn the bed that we shared. The last 2 years I had to survive and provide for my children so I had to either sleep on the floor or keep sleeping in the bed that I hated. I got used to sleeping in that bed even though I didn’t rest easy on it and the fabric was soaked through with bitter tears. I kept hoping to wake from bad dreams but kept waking to them every morning in that king sized desolation. The last couple of days I’ve started obsessing about it again. I want a bed that he hasn’t shared. I haven’t had a bed that he hasn’t been in for 23 yrs. That’s over half of my life. I want a new bed. I want a king sized virgin bed.

Nonense…

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Random almost audible quotes from in my head tonight
   “My girlfriend’s stairs were nearly my downfall” …. (“Seriously,” I just almost audibly thought )

SELF-proclaimmmmed “World’s Greatest Gourmet Sandwich”  (and I got it with the delightfully exotic bread substitute LETTUCE. And still.)

“Mutha Fuckin Sonovabitch….why the FUUUCK would they change the color scheme in the android messaging app to fuckin’ orange?! It was PERFECT with the blue tones now we got ‘Google oraNGE!?!?! What genius subjects us to this?!” (That’s a self-proclaimed  ‘paraphrase’)

“Fuck” (EXACT quote)