Can you believe that I just walked into the wrong apartment? Looking down at my sky map, I glanced at the door handle as I turned it, stepped across the threshold and shut the door behind me and just stood there stunned to be in a small dark space. My eyes slo-mo movie-style focused on a laundry basket on the floor to my right and a cardboard box to my left. Next I noticed a carpeted stairs 2 steps in front of me that was dimly lit from the top. At the top of the stairs was a fluffy cat frozen midstep staring at me with it’s mouth hanging open. I could hear a strange t.v. show and realized that I was either straight trippin’ OR standing in someone else’s home. The cat glances over it’s shoulder toward the softly lit apartment, I glance over my shoulder to the door….the cat sees it’s owner walking toward the sound of the intruder… I see the door handle slo-mo turning in my hand. The cat voices a tattle meow as I step past the EXTREMELY loud squealing door and quick-but-quietly close the door and casual-fast hustle a few doors down to my door through which I quiet-quickly enter through. Surreals ya’ll
# rambling
Today is just one of those days…
Everyone has them. I honestly believe today can’t be as bad as yesterday but I’m definitely going through a rough patch. I know tons of people have harder lives but I’m just feeling exhausted and more emotional than usual. Exhaustion and not enough ‘me time’ will do that to most people. “Mamma said there’d be days like this, there’d be days like this, mamma said, mamma said.” (The Shirelles) Mamma also said “life is like a box of choc’lates…you never know what you’re gonna get” (Forest Gump).
I’m not complaining. My life is just out of balance because I don’t have any time to do the things that have always brought me joy. I don’t get to lay outside and watch the sky. I don’t get to read. I don’t get to have a yoga practice. I don’t get to workout enough to eat the way I love to eat and I can’t have as much luvin’ as I’d like because I enjoy a couple of hours of sex a day and there’s just NOT TIME ANYMORE.
So of course someone that can hardly ever do what they are naturally inclined to do and is forced to take bullshit from people they would never ever choose to be around at all (let alone 12 hours a day 6 days a week) will have times when they just want to say “fuck it” and go deliciously screw someone sexy during a thunderstorm on a beach during a meteor shower while eating a juicy bacon double cheeseburger and chili cheese fries and drinking a vanilla Bacardi milkshake.
Maybe one day I will have more time for me. I just have to get through this bs. I love life so much. I love my kids more than can be described. I love the natural world despite what’s been done to it. I am filled with joy at the wonders of life and the Universe but right not my joy feels like it is being sat upon by a big mean ugly troll that screams and curses at me for no reason except that he has low self-esteem even though he has an extremely large ego. I wish I could kill that troll but pretending like his assholery never bothers me will have to suffice. To anyone else having a rough patch: “Hang in there! Nothing lasts forever so enjoy the great things while they last and stay strong through the tough times. I love you so much”
Nonexistence doesn’t get anyone a pass
I would say that no one could ever be mad at me because I actually don’t exist except for the fact that people are mad at God all of the time and usually for something He didn’t do too. Has anyone ever wondered about the fact that a synonym for ‘angry’ is ‘cross’ ? Me either. I don’t exist.
Not That Anyone Asked Me... 